theatrebizarre090022

Outside Events

Attended Scarefest in Lexington KY for Friday and Saturday. – 2 points

The Head Hauntress had a hard time accessing the event website to create personal challenges as it was overloaded, but per the FB group post, this video of Gwar saying “Enjoy the Madness” is at least 20 points –  20 points

Circus envy video – did you tell me 10 points for this? Can’t find where I asked.

31 panel with discussions of killer clowns – 10 points?

Celebrity Ghost Hunt with Chip Coffey and Ghost Hunt Weekends crew – We investigated the James Pepper Distillery which is being renovated, and were the first group to ever get access to the site. We were divided into three groups, and two different groups made contact with a “Bob” through a spirit box. Our group also had a strange thermal image on a brick wall, plus we kept getting pleas for help from someone named “Ethel.” 2 points

Up to 54 points pending The Hauntresses ruling on the videos given she could not access the Scarefest site prior to teh event to issue personal challenges in advance

Secret Bonuses This Week (Summaries Below)

Here’s  a summary of what I think may be the secret bonuses for quick scanning. These are my guesses that I watched this week, as there are multiple options for some.

10 POINTS
1920 – Dark Carnival – The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari
1982 – Scary Clown Doll – Poltergeist. Duh.
1983 – Dark Carnival – Something Wicked This Way Comes
1990 – Traveling Circus – The Rainbow Thief
1992 – Rockband Clowns – Bad Channels
1997 – Demonic Clown – Spawn
2007 – Back for Revenge Clown – We All Scream for Ice Cream, (100 Tears, Dead Silence)
2007 – Serial Killer Clown – Drive Thru, (Fraternity Massacre at Hell Island)
2009 – Scary Clown Doll – The Hole
2010 – Happy vs Sad Clown – The Last Circus

15 POINTS
1980 – Rockband Clowns – Terror on Tour
1987 – Happy but Scary Singing Clown – Blood Harvest
2003 – Clown as Profession (Documentary) – Capturing the Friedmans

20 POINTS (NON HORROR but ACCEPTED GENRE)
2010 – Clown Gang STILL NO FUCKING CLUE

Maximum of 145 points

________________________________________

Sunday

House of 1000 Corpses
6 points
ATB for homicidal clown, you middle class, Malibu Barbie pieces of shit.
I know this is one of those movies people love or hate. I happen to love it. Derivative? One man’s “derivative” is another’s “homage.” It takes me back to a lot of old horror films I love, even if Rob Zombie tried to pack too many ideas into one film. You have to give props to a film with Karen Black, Walt Goggins, Chris Hardwick and a soundtrack that includes Buck Owens.
1:45
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

Amusement
6 points
ATB for homicidal clown/attack by a clown “doll.”
Not just creepy clown dolls, including a life size one, but a creepy laugh. Nice twists and turns that I missed the first time around, although they seem quite obvious now when watching.
1:25
3.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Poltergeist
6 or 10 points for secret bonus
ATB for attacking clown doll
I hadn’t seen this movie in a long time, and while some of it stands the test of time well, but that scene where the invesigator looks in the bedroom for the first time is just ridiculous, as is a steak sliding across the counter. Also, JoBeth WIlliam’s joy at living in a house where chairs and children slide across the floor. Hint: That’s where you are supposed to get the hell out, not after Satan drags your child off to another dimension. There’s a “life hack” for you.
1:54
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari
6 or 10 points if secret bonus
ATB for homicidal clown/mime
Oh how I wish I had kept up my German. Classic surreall set design and creepy killer.
1:07
4.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Halloween Wars
4 points per Hauntress challenge
Elvira is back like every season to judge edible Halloween scenes. The short challenge involved evil selfies, and then the big witch and warlock face off. Team Sugar Psychoes took both and are off to a strong start. 1:00
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

It
9 points
ATB for homicidal clown
What is that crazy thing Tim Curry does when he talks, the way he curls his lips, that is so creepy? Classic Stephen King miniseries and the creepiest clown ever, quite possibly. Yet another unnecessary remake of a classic. We ALL float down here…
3:07
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Monday

Something Wicked this Way Comes
6 or 10 points if secret bonus
Secret bonus or ATB for Dark Carnival collecting souls
This may very well be the ultimate dark carnival movie: a very creepy (and spidery) fortuneteller; a dignified dealmaking devil; and Jason Robards for the win. I hate spiders, so anyone who has seen this knows there is a particularly bad scene in this one for arachnaphobes. I did find it odd When Mr. Dark (Jonathan Pryce) asked Jason Robards where the boys were. You can make people young again but you can’t find the boys yourself through telepahy or something?
1:35
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Spawn
3 or 10 points for secret bonus
Wild Card John Leguizamo
Oh HELL no,he did not just eat that piece of pizza with live maggots on it. John Leguizamo is insane in real life as well as his portrayal; of the demented clown in Spawn. This movie is so sad for poor Spawn, but so deliciously full of evil fun with Leguizamo.
1:36
3.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Terror on Tour
6 or 10 points if secret bonus
Secret bonus or ATB for homicidal clown and multiple instances of sex with clowns
Dear God, I know this was supposed to be a riff on Kiss, but who came up with that makeup? And who choose those afros? Those mime leotards? PS. We can tell you totally ripped off the riff from AC/DC’s “Let There Be Rock.”
1:27
2 out of 5 creepy clowns for so bad it’s good factor

The Last Circus
6 or 10 points if secret bonus
Secret bonus or ATB for homicidal clown
Sweet baby, Jesus, I wanted to like this, but for the love of god that narrator never SHUT UP. I don’t mind foreign films and subtitles, but the Spanish chatter was non stop, even when characters weren’t saying anything and it continued well into credits. SHUT UP for chrissakes. Which is shame because as annoyed with it as I was, I could see some great filmmaking, and loved the last scene. In hindsight, I should have just turned the sound off because I think it would have worked just fine on subtitiles and performances alone. Bizarre love triangle between an acrobat, and her abusive “happy” clown husband, and “sad clown” nice boyfriend. Ultimately, they destroy her with their fighting.
2:05
2 out of 5 creepy clowns due to non stop chatter

The Rainbow Thief
2 or 10 points if secret bonus

Secret bonus or Wild Card ALEJANDRO JODOROWSKY
I freely admit Emily tipped me off to this one when she saw the wild card list. And she had it on her Plex. I had never heard of it, which is amazing witgh Christopher Lee, who plays an eecentric old rich man. Dalmatians at the table eating caviar and humans being fed big bones, and a harem of scantily clad females in a rainbow of colors fawning over him as he rides his saddle scooter that serves as his wheelchair. Plus Peter O’Toole and Omar Shariff. PS. When you shock someone in cardiac arrest, if you are touching the bed you get shocked too. That’s why we say “CLEAR!” And chicks dig Christopher Lee
1:29

4 out of 5 creepy clowns

Ash Vs Evil Dead Weekly challenge 201
6 points for special challenge
I know it’s the same schtick as from last season, but for some reason I found this funnier than usual. Ash better be careful sidling up to Lucy Lawless, even if she is a hot MILF.
.5
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Tuesday

Dead Silence
6 points or 10 for secret bonus
ATB for attacking clown doll or secret bonus
A lot of people don’t like this movie but I think it is creepy as hell. Donnie Wahlberg is over the top at being over the top, but I can forgive that. I love creepy dolls, even if I missed that madness.
1:29
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Hole
6 points or 10 for secret bonus
ATB for clown doll attack-or secret bonus
I hadn’t seen this till last year’s madness, but that creepy jester mad a lasting impression on me. Nice cameo with Bruce Dern, who is awesome.
1:32
3.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

100 Tears
6 points or 10 points for secret bonus
ATB for homicidal clown or secret bonus
The opening credits were promising, then it went straight to hell, and not in a good way. Poor lighting, sound, writing and acting. No suspense, backstory etc, just jumps right in. When the best part of your movie is using Voltaire’s “When You’re Evil,” you have a problem
1:30
1 out of 5 creepy clowns

Drive Thru
6 or 10 points if secret bonus
ATB for homicidal clown or secret bonus
“Fast food kills, fuckers!” Indeed. This is a scary clown makeup, and this is how you do cheeky horror satire. Awesome cameo by Morgan Spurlock as a fast food joint manager. (“Super Size Me” dude)
1:23
3 out of 5 creepy clowns

Batman Returns
6 points
ATB for homicidal clowns
I only watched this because I was hoping there was a rock band clown scene in here as I hadn’t found it yet. I really can’t stand Michael Keaton as Batman, although I love Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman and Danny DeVito as The Penguin.
2:06
3 out of 5 creepy clowns

Clown Town
12 points
Special double bonus this week
What’s worse than a killer clown? Why, a whole gang of killer clowns. Especially really scary ones as these are. I suspect the “based on real events” element is mighty slim here. Or hope so.
1:26
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

Wednesday

Bad Channels
2 points or 10 for secret bonus
I never thought I would find that damn 1992 rock band clowns movie. Emily was vexed too, till I finally saw this rock themed movie and thought, there has to be a clown band in there somewhere. And there was. Martha Quinn of MTV VJ fame as an intrepid reporter who stumbles on a radio stationn taken over by aliens kidnapping and minaturizing women. Yeah.
1:28
3 out of 5 creepy clowns

Blood Harvest
3 points or 10 for secret bonus
Wild Card Tiny Tim or secret bonus, although I’m not sure how “happy” he is while being scary
Just weird Tiny Tim vehicle that feels more 70s than 1987. I figured out the end long before the end. Loads of gratuitous nudity, including some full frontal. Normally i woudl complain about the alck of equal male:female nudity, but given this stars Tiny Tim that is probably a good thing.
1:28
2 out of 5 creepy clowns

AHS: Roanoke E3 and E4
2 points total
Had to catch up on this series, which is a far cry from the over the top Hotel and Freakshow. I’m keeping an open mind, but it is a bit slow, and the real life vs re enactments a bit gimmicky. Just tell the story.
2:00
3 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Crow
6 points
ATB for homicidal mime
I know this doesn’t need a remake, but I love Jason Momoa, so I am keeping an open mind. He has beena fan of the movie and is relaly into it, and if you have seen Road to Paloma, you  can see he may be able to pull this off. He can do more than muscle men and super heroes. But nothing and no one will ever replace Brandon Lee, RIP.
1:42
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Crow: City of Angels
6 points
ATB for homocidal mime
Not quite as successful as the original, but still great eye candy with a darker fetish-y theme. And oh, how Iggy Pop shines here!
1:24
3 out of 5 creepy clowns

Thursday

Clownhouse
6 points
ATB for homicidal clowns
I freakin’ LOVE this movie! it’s a shame the director got caught up in some pedo controversy, and the film was buried. Three lunatics escape from the asylum and disguise themselves as clowns, terrorizing this poor kid who was already afraid of clowns. That’s gonna be a huge therapy bill!
1:21
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Funhouse
6 points
ATB for Dark carnival ride
Now this is a classic. Tobe Hooper has some stupid kids decide to spend the night in the funhouse, only to discover some sociopathic owners and a disfured freak in real life. Can’t help but think Tiny in House of 1000 Corpses was influenced by this. We know Rob Zombie loves those vintage horror films.
1:36
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Capturing the Friedmans
10 points for secret bonus (pretty sure this is right for documentary)
Documentary about a teacher andsometime clown performer arrested for child pornography, as well as one of his sons. The documentary features footage of the ordeal shot by the family as well as new footage that calls into question whether these men actually molested anyone. (The father admitted to being a pedophile and having child pornography but supposedly plead guilty to save his son with a plea deal.) As it turned out, the son served time as well. And that poor wife/mother as the outcast in her own home with her husband and three boys who bonded and made their own clique. Very sad.
1:47
4.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

We All Scream for Ice Cream
3 or 10 points for secret bonus
ATB for homicidal clown
What happens when voodoo meets ice cream trucks vendors from beyond. Tasty treats that leave their targets in a melty gooey mess.Kind of silly, but fun.
57 minutes
3.5 out of 5 stars

Fraternity Massacre at Hell Island
6 points or 10 for secret bonus
ATB for homicidal cown or secret bonus
Dear lord, I can’t say I have ever seen anything quite like this. I knwo it wasn’t meant ot be taken seriously, but isi ti really the good kind of bad. Not really. Except I love how the homicidal clown dances over dead bodies. That bit is a keeper.
1:20
2 out of 5 creepy clowns

93 points if secret bonus guesses are correct (I didn’t count my first guesses in this total, but everything else)

max possible: 54 + 145 + 93 = 292

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