Secret Movie Bonuses

Last year, when I rolled the dice and posted the first week early to try to get all of the secret bonuses, Newt beat me to it and got most of them. After that, I knew I’d never catch her and any chance of back-to-back wins was lost forever.

Have I learned my lesson? Hell, NO! Pedal to the metal muthafuckers… go big or go home!

Night of the Living Dead
1968
Time: 97 minutes
Points: 10 (or 6)
Bonuses: Secret film bonus and Romero, baby

Summary: Romero’s commentary on society is no secret in films like this and Dawn of the Dead, but it hits home a bit more these days, unfortunately, such as Barbara’s initial reaction to being saved by a black man and the shooting at the end make me cringe just a little more in 2017.
9 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Tourist Trap
1979
Time: 90 minutes
Points: 10 (or 6)
Bonuses: Doc Terror’s list of ATB awesomeness and this secret film bonus

Summary: I LOVE this freakin’ movie, and love it hard. Chuck Connors preys on some tourists for his mannequin collection and this is some creepy shit. Of course, the one time I saw it in a theater for Exhumed Films, jackasses kept laughing and ruining it. This shit ain’t funny, it’s scary, y’all. I especially love how Chuckie torments one of his victims. Sadistic!
10 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Maximum Overdrive
1986
Time: 98 minutes
Points: 10 (or 2)
Bonuses: Secret film and Stephen King wildcard, not that it’s out of genre

Summary: You can never go wrong with a Stephen King inspired movie and better yet, King cameos. I hadn’t seen this one since it was new I think. Campy and over the top, of course, with cheesy dialogue like “You make love like a hero.” Gag.
6 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Hardware
1990
Time: 94 minutes
Points 10 (or 2)
Bonuses: There should be an Iggy Pop bonus but there isn’t

Summary: The red filter at the beginning reminds me of the eclipse footage in Gerald’s Game. The best part of this? Iggy Pop as Angry Bob. And you thought his film debut was in the Crow sequel. Feels like this might have inspired Johnny Mnemonic in part? Weird “sexy” shower scene with mechanical hand. WTF? Maybe that’s what they mean by “hard”ware, along with some very dirty talk and an ass kickin’ soundtrack.
7 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

May
2002
Points: 10 (or 2)
Bonuses: Anna Faris wildcard

Summary: Jesus, Angela Bettis is one big bucket of creepy and crazy as HAY-ELL. I’ve always loved Jeremy Sisto for some reason. Anna Faris is old enough to have played an adult in this movie? Seriously?
Time: 95 minutes
7 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Cell
2016
Time: 98 minutes
Points: 10 (or 3)
Bonuses: based on a Stephen King story, 2007-2017 release

Summary: It’s apparent Stephen King feels the same way I do about cell phones. I hate them, but this is stretching things a bit far, at least in the movie. (I strongly suspect the book is far superior despite King’s hand in the screenplay.) Obviously there is some kind of intelligence causing all of this, but to what end? I don’t buy the “evolution” thing here. Even fantastical elements have to make sense. But hey, John Cusack and Samuel Jackson for the win.
5 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

The Autopsy of Jane Doe
2016
Time: 99 minutes
Points: 10 (or 6)
Bonuses: 12/16 release date ATB

Summary: From the first shot of this movie, the gorgeous cinematography tells you this filmmaker cares about making a good movie, not just splashing tits and gore on the screen (Although plenty of the former — what a role, playing a naked dead woman.) Then throw in Brian Cox and Emile Hirsch? HELL, yeah. I watched it for free since I had no idea what to expect, but would have been very happy if I had bought the dvd. This is some creepy shit, y’all.
9 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

The Girl with all of the Gifts
2017
Time: 111 minutes
Points: 10 (or 6)
Bonuses: Gemma Arterton, 2017 and child zombie protagonist release ATB

Summary: Yowza. Still absorbing this one. Twist ending I sure as hell didn’t see coming. Glenn Close tells you this isn’t the typical genre fare. Moving and disturbing.
10 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

A Cure for Wellness
2017
Time: 146 minutes
Points: 10 (or 7.5)
Bonuses: 2017 release ATB

Summary: I’m feeling some Shutter Island flashbacks here, but personally I think this film is better. The Hotel Califronia of “wellness” spas. Something in the water does not compute. The main character is a real dick so not too sympathetic to his plight. Gorgeous cinematography and creepy mood.
8 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Would You Rather?
2012
Time: 93 minutes
Points: 15 (or 3)
Bonuses: 2007-2017 release

Summary: Disturbing psychological thriller exploring how far people will go for money and to survive. What’s sad about this movie is in our current climate, I could see rich people exploiting desperation for their personal amusement. But then, maybe things like this do go on and have been going on for some time. Who knows?
8 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Pieces
1982 or 83 depending on source
Time: 90 minutes
Points: 15 (or 2)
Bonuses:

Summary: I remembered vaguely some dispute over the year of this film in the past, and then I remembered the t-shirt. Classic, and I had the hugest crush on Christopher George in The Rat Patrol when I was knee high. I didn’t realize he and his wife were in Mortuary and she is still alive. Sorry, side trip down nostalgia lane… “Remember, you don’t have to go to Texas for a chainsaw massacre.”
6 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Grindhouse/Planet Terror
2007
Time: 191 minutes
Points: 15 (or 5)
Bonuses: 2007-2017 release, transformed into zombie/mutation

Summary: Is it wrong if I say one of my favorite parts of this is the vintage theater intro videos and fake trailers? Of the two films, as much as I love Tarantino, I gotta go with Planet Terror as the better of the two. That’s even before the gun leg schtick, which is the icing on the (cheese)cake. And the sprinkles are such gems as the Savini cameo, Josh Brolin being hot as fuck as usual, and killing Fergie. Grindhouse fav moment is predictably the slow motion carnage, although I admit I found a few moments in Grindhouse a bit tedious so I have to dock it a bit, but damn near perfection.
9.5 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

I’m Dangerous Tonight
1990
Time: 100 minutes
Points: 20 (or 6)
Bonuses: Tobe Hooper ATB

Summary: Whatever happened to scream queen Madchen Amick? Here she is in a USA Network movie directed by Tobe Hooper which actually wasn’t so bad. Pretty damn good in fact by TV standards circa 1990, not that we wouldn’t expect some level of quality from the dearly departed Hooper. It’s been a damn tough couple of years for horror fans… But anyway, an old red cloak worn by Aztec priests for sacrificial rituals makes its way into the hands of little Miss Goody Two Shoes Amick. In everyone else it makes them homicidal, including ET’s mom. But it just makes Madchen into a dirty dancing vixen. DVD and VHS copies are rare and pricey, but watch the full movie here: http://putlocker.io/watch/eGLjjpvV-i-m-dangerous-tonight.html
6 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Gerald’s Game Bonus Weekend
US release date: 2017
Time: 103 minutes
Points: 8 for bonus weekend
Bonuses: see above
Summary: I was never intrigued by the premise of the book because I heavily favor supernatural horror, plus I thought it would be hard to translate the obvious psychological terror into a compelling book, much less a movie. Wrong! I knew with the talent involved it would be at least fairly good, but was surprised at how good it was and the creepiness of the Moonlight Man.
8 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Personal Challenge (27 points)

I already posted my selfie eating a Buffalo Burger on the Jackalope at Wall Drug, but via text the Head Hauntress agreed to award a point for each Wall Drug sign photo also, which I had not processed till now. For every one I took, I have seen at least 5 I didn’t shoot. Yes, there are really that many.

Doc Terror Tobe Hooper Binge

Body Bags
1993
Time: 90 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: Tobe Hooper segment, “Eye”
Summary: I love a good horror anthology, and really love horror cameos, and this antho has director John Carpenter stealing the show as the coroner hosting the three stories. Unfortunately, the Tobe cameo made me sad, but not as sad as the Wes Craven one, which caught me off guard. So many good cameos though, including Greg Nicotero and his flowing hair LOL.
7 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
1974
Time: 83 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: Tobe
Summary: It’s freakin’ Texas Chainsaw Massacre…. what more can be said? One thing that has stuck with me is the fact that it doesn’t show as much gore as you think. Much of it is implied, such as you don’t see the meathook going into the girl. And of course, the final scene with the improvised chainsaw dance. Classic. RIP Tobe.
10 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Salem’s Lot
1979
Time: 187 minutes
Points: 9
Bonuses: Stephen King and Tobe Hooper ATB
Summary: One of the best TV miniseries and Stephen King adaptations ever in my opinion, despite its age. David Soul (Starsky or Hutch?) in the lead role. Lance Henriksen as the horror loving aspiring writer in a buddy film pairing adolescent Stephen King with adult writer Stephen King. But the Glick boys vampire scene is still one of the creepeist things I have ever seen.
8 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Poltergeist
1982
Time: 114 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: Tobe Hooper. Duh.
Summary: Yeah, the creepy clown doll scene is classic and scary as hell, but otherwise, I confess I always found this film kind of boring and overrated. (Sorry Tobe.) Sue me.
6 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Invaders from Mars
1986
Time: 93 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: Tobe
Summary: Bud Cort? HELL yes! Thhis is just silly, which is the point. I prefer when Tobe goes full on scary, but it’s not bad.
5 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Toolbox Murders
2004
Time: 95 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: Tobe
Summary: Pretty damn good remake by Tobe with Angela Bettis in a not-so-crazy role to cleanse my palate of her uber crazy turn in May. Sheri Moon Zombie gets a gig NOT from her husband, at least not directly. Definitely the apartment building from hell, with a killer hiding behind the walls.
7 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Eaten Alive
1977
Time: 90 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: Tobe
Summary: Holy guacamole, I missed this one somehow. First, the “Buck” line borrowed by Tarantino, but Freddy Krueger? Rather gruesome evidence you should avoid Texas at all costs except Austin. Not that I didn’t know that already.
6 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

The Others tv series, Souls on Board
2000
Time: 60 minutes
Points: 4
Bonuses: Tobe
Summary: I loved this TV series, which was sadly cancelled after its first season. Mick Garris did one episode, Clive Barker made a cameo in one about Jack the Ripper… it’s about a band of psychics who deal with phenomenon but feel an impending evil threat coming. Since it ended after one season, they sadly succumbed to that evil. But this episode found them on a plane with parts from a flight that mysteriously crashed and voices were heard on the black box after the crash. I was lucky to find someone with bootleg copies of the series.
9 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

The Funhouse
1981
Time: 96 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: ATB for Tobe Hooper on Doc Terror’s list
Summary: This is one of my all-time favorites… I am obsessed with carnivals and fortunetellers and love this movie so much it hurts. Major nostalgia watching them on rides like The Cobra from the fairs of my youth (is that still around?) and the bittersweetness of knowing their fun and happiness is about to be seriously cut short. I love everything Sylvia Miles does and you can see so many things “borrowed” or paid homage to in this movie by later filmmakers, most notably Rob Zombie, but also the crazy bag lady reminds me of one of the homeless people in Prince of Darkness and one of the incarnations of the killer in The First Power.
10 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

The Video Nasties!

Absurd
1981
Time: 90 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: Video Nasty
Summary: A movie where blood coagulating faster then normal is the monster quality, and apparently triggers homicidal tendencies. Baking someone’s head in the oven is pretty gruesome if that is possible with the door open? Love how they used an insulin syringe to administer IV push meds. Absurd, indeed.
2 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Anthropophagus
1981
Time: 91 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: Video Nasty
Summary: Tourists on an island dsicover why there is hardly anyone there — a demented psycho of course. Another offering from Joe D’Amato. Better than absurd, but I’m just not feeling these.
3 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

 

 

 

 

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