Ten Years of the Madness, Week TWO

Ten Years of the Madness, Week TWO

I didn’t follow my own advice to keep up with my summary all week and have suffered for it. Plus, I hit the week two slump, so I’m pretty sure we have a new leader… but that’s what makes this interesting, right?

Better Watch Out opening weekend – 10 points

I watched Sunday so it’s on this week’s summary:

Better Watch Out
2017
Time:
Points: 6
Bonuses: 2017 release
Summary: What an evil little shit. I know the ending was good, but I would have like to see the moment the little shit was busted.
8.5 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS

Evil Genius Challenge: 2 + 8 point bonus = 10 points

For some reason I thought we had to do two movies, then realized it was a bonus only for one.

Nightmare on Elm Street
1984
Time: 104 minutes
Points: 2
Bonuses:
Summary: I’m not really afraid of any movies, but this one scared the shit out of me the first time I watched it, and is stilscary despite the bad acting that adds humor. High rating for the scare factor and giving the world Johnny Depp
9 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Audition
1999
Time: 115 minutes
Points: 8
Bonuses: Evil Genius
Summary: Yeah, I know you need to build up characters but a lot of dead time for most of the movie. At first, I was like “acupuncture needles? really?” then she went for the eyes and the whole cutting string thing.
6 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Friday the 13th Viewing Party – 25 points

Friday the 13th bonus – 6 points

Watching Friday the 13th on Friday the 13th

Friday the 13th
1980
Time: 95 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: Friday the 13th bonus
Summary: This is a classic… what else can you say? I love Kevin Bacon.
9 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS

American Horror Story binge – 6X4= 24 points

I finally decided to get caught up on the current season. I didn’t write a review with each episode as a I watched, so I confess the details from episode to episode are a little fuzzy here.

AHS: Cult Ep 1
2017
Time: 1 hr
Points: 4
Bonuses: ATB for current season
Summary: This is plenty scary enough even before you introduce the crazy cult murderers. Hell, the opening credits with the Trump mask terrifies me.
9 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

AHS: Cult Ep 2
2017
Time: 1 hr
Points: 4
Bonuses: ATB for current season
Summary: AHS tends to start strong then go too campy for my taste, but so far so good. They are keeping it scary for the most part.
9 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

AHS: Cult Ep 3
2017
Time: 1 hr
Points: 4
Bonuses: ATB for current season
Summary: Not only is the story staying scary, but obviously, the parallel to reality is just a little too close for comfort.
9 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

AHS: Cult Ep 4
2017
Time: 1 hr
Points: 4
Bonuses: ATB for current season
Summary: I know there is a scary clowns theme with the cult masks, but not getting the connection of the homicidal clown from Freakshow in this season.
9 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

AHS: Cult Ep 5
2017
Time: 1 hr
Points: 4
Bonuses: ATB for current season
Summary: Another shining example of what conniving assholes people can be. Specifically, Sarah’s wife.
9 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

AHS: Cult Ep 6
2017
Time: 1 hr
Points: 4
Bonuses: ATB for current season
Summary: I suppose I wll go back at some point and watch the on-demand unedited version, but the episode doesn’t seem to need it to move the story along. What the hell were you thinking Sarah Paulson?
9 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

2017 Release Movies 4X6 = 24 points

The Axe Murders of Villisca
12/2016
Time: 78 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: 12/2016-2017 release
Summary: Being an actual paranormal junkie, I hate these movies where stupid paranormal investigators go to investigate a haunting and get in over their heads. Cliche. Just all die already.
3 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS

Alien: Covenant
2017
Time: 123 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: 2017 release
Summary: Am I the only one who thinks the actress playing the heroine is sort of a Jennifer Lawrence substitute? LIke they gave her a crappy haircut and no makeup to show how smart and heroic she is.
6 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Death Note
2017
Time: 101 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: 2017 release
Summary: Teen revenge indulgence film. Who hasn’t wished they could write the name of a high school jackass in a notebook and they die? But nice twist on the using it to kill baddies all over the world.
7 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

The Bye-Bye Man
2017
Time: 101 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: 2017 release
Summary: I thought this was a pretty good movie and fairly original. I wish we would get more creepy, unusal horror films like this
7 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS

Video Nasties 2X6 = 12 points

The Evil Dead
1981
Time: 85 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: Video Nasty
Summary: This is ranked as a video nasty? Seriously? Oh well, I’ll take the sweet ATB for a movie I was going to watch anyway.
10 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS

The Last House on the Left
1972
Time: 84 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: Video Nasty
Summary: Wes Craven wasn’t just about big horror franchises, but got his hands dirty with this explpoitation shocker. NOt my cup of tea, but effective.
6 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS

TV – Ghost Adventures/Kindred Spirits 2X4= 8 points

I almost forgot my Saturday night ritual of Ghost Adventures and my screener for Kindred Spirits

Ghost Adventures
2017
Time:  60 minutes
Points: 4
Bonuses: Current Season
Summary: Newest episode in Vicksburg, MS, which is where I used to live. And yes, my house was haunted. See full recap  
here.
8 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS

KIndred Spirits
2017
Time: 60 minutes
Points: 4
Bonuses: Current season
Summary: I love Amy and Adam but this episode was a bit slow… as one would expect with real pararnormal investigators with integrity.
7 out of 10 YEARS OF MADNESS

 

Ten Years of the Madness! Week ONE

Ten Years of the Madness! Week ONE

Secret Movie Bonuses

Last year, when I rolled the dice and posted the first week early to try to get all of the secret bonuses, Newt beat me to it and got most of them. After that, I knew I’d never catch her and any chance of back-to-back wins was lost forever.

Have I learned my lesson? Hell, NO! Pedal to the metal muthafuckers… go big or go home!

Night of the Living Dead
1968
Time: 97 minutes
Points: 10 (or 6)
Bonuses: Secret film bonus and Romero, baby

Summary: Romero’s commentary on society is no secret in films like this and Dawn of the Dead, but it hits home a bit more these days, unfortunately, such as Barbara’s initial reaction to being saved by a black man and the shooting at the end make me cringe just a little more in 2017.
9 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Tourist Trap
1979
Time: 90 minutes
Points: 10 (or 6)
Bonuses: Doc Terror’s list of ATB awesomeness and this secret film bonus

Summary: I LOVE this freakin’ movie, and love it hard. Chuck Connors preys on some tourists for his mannequin collection and this is some creepy shit. Of course, the one time I saw it in a theater for Exhumed Films, jackasses kept laughing and ruining it. This shit ain’t funny, it’s scary, y’all. I especially love how Chuckie torments one of his victims. Sadistic!
10 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Maximum Overdrive
1986
Time: 98 minutes
Points: 10 (or 2)
Bonuses: Secret film and Stephen King wildcard, not that it’s out of genre

Summary: You can never go wrong with a Stephen King inspired movie and better yet, King cameos. I hadn’t seen this one since it was new I think. Campy and over the top, of course, with cheesy dialogue like “You make love like a hero.” Gag.
6 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Hardware
1990
Time: 94 minutes
Points 10 (or 2)
Bonuses: There should be an Iggy Pop bonus but there isn’t

Summary: The red filter at the beginning reminds me of the eclipse footage in Gerald’s Game. The best part of this? Iggy Pop as Angry Bob. And you thought his film debut was in the Crow sequel. Feels like this might have inspired Johnny Mnemonic in part? Weird “sexy” shower scene with mechanical hand. WTF? Maybe that’s what they mean by “hard”ware, along with some very dirty talk and an ass kickin’ soundtrack.
7 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

May
2002
Points: 10 (or 2)
Bonuses: Anna Faris wildcard

Summary: Jesus, Angela Bettis is one big bucket of creepy and crazy as HAY-ELL. I’ve always loved Jeremy Sisto for some reason. Anna Faris is old enough to have played an adult in this movie? Seriously?
Time: 95 minutes
7 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Cell
2016
Time: 98 minutes
Points: 10 (or 3)
Bonuses: based on a Stephen King story, 2007-2017 release

Summary: It’s apparent Stephen King feels the same way I do about cell phones. I hate them, but this is stretching things a bit far, at least in the movie. (I strongly suspect the book is far superior despite King’s hand in the screenplay.) Obviously there is some kind of intelligence causing all of this, but to what end? I don’t buy the “evolution” thing here. Even fantastical elements have to make sense. But hey, John Cusack and Samuel Jackson for the win.
5 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

The Autopsy of Jane Doe
2016
Time: 99 minutes
Points: 10 (or 6)
Bonuses: 12/16 release date ATB

Summary: From the first shot of this movie, the gorgeous cinematography tells you this filmmaker cares about making a good movie, not just splashing tits and gore on the screen (Although plenty of the former — what a role, playing a naked dead woman.) Then throw in Brian Cox and Emile Hirsch? HELL, yeah. I watched it for free since I had no idea what to expect, but would have been very happy if I had bought the dvd. This is some creepy shit, y’all.
9 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

The Girl with all of the Gifts
2017
Time: 111 minutes
Points: 10 (or 6)
Bonuses: Gemma Arterton, 2017 and child zombie protagonist release ATB

Summary: Yowza. Still absorbing this one. Twist ending I sure as hell didn’t see coming. Glenn Close tells you this isn’t the typical genre fare. Moving and disturbing.
10 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

A Cure for Wellness
2017
Time: 146 minutes
Points: 10 (or 7.5)
Bonuses: 2017 release ATB

Summary: I’m feeling some Shutter Island flashbacks here, but personally I think this film is better. The Hotel Califronia of “wellness” spas. Something in the water does not compute. The main character is a real dick so not too sympathetic to his plight. Gorgeous cinematography and creepy mood.
8 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Would You Rather?
2012
Time: 93 minutes
Points: 15 (or 3)
Bonuses: 2007-2017 release

Summary: Disturbing psychological thriller exploring how far people will go for money and to survive. What’s sad about this movie is in our current climate, I could see rich people exploiting desperation for their personal amusement. But then, maybe things like this do go on and have been going on for some time. Who knows?
8 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Pieces
1982 or 83 depending on source
Time: 90 minutes
Points: 15 (or 2)
Bonuses:

Summary: I remembered vaguely some dispute over the year of this film in the past, and then I remembered the t-shirt. Classic, and I had the hugest crush on Christopher George in The Rat Patrol when I was knee high. I didn’t realize he and his wife were in Mortuary and she is still alive. Sorry, side trip down nostalgia lane… “Remember, you don’t have to go to Texas for a chainsaw massacre.”
6 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Grindhouse/Planet Terror
2007
Time: 191 minutes
Points: 15 (or 5)
Bonuses: 2007-2017 release, transformed into zombie/mutation

Summary: Is it wrong if I say one of my favorite parts of this is the vintage theater intro videos and fake trailers? Of the two films, as much as I love Tarantino, I gotta go with Planet Terror as the better of the two. That’s even before the gun leg schtick, which is the icing on the (cheese)cake. And the sprinkles are such gems as the Savini cameo, Josh Brolin being hot as fuck as usual, and killing Fergie. Grindhouse fav moment is predictably the slow motion carnage, although I admit I found a few moments in Grindhouse a bit tedious so I have to dock it a bit, but damn near perfection.
9.5 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

I’m Dangerous Tonight
1990
Time: 100 minutes
Points: 20 (or 6)
Bonuses: Tobe Hooper ATB

Summary: Whatever happened to scream queen Madchen Amick? Here she is in a USA Network movie directed by Tobe Hooper which actually wasn’t so bad. Pretty damn good in fact by TV standards circa 1990, not that we wouldn’t expect some level of quality from the dearly departed Hooper. It’s been a damn tough couple of years for horror fans… But anyway, an old red cloak worn by Aztec priests for sacrificial rituals makes its way into the hands of little Miss Goody Two Shoes Amick. In everyone else it makes them homicidal, including ET’s mom. But it just makes Madchen into a dirty dancing vixen. DVD and VHS copies are rare and pricey, but watch the full movie here: http://putlocker.io/watch/eGLjjpvV-i-m-dangerous-tonight.html
6 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Gerald’s Game Bonus Weekend
US release date: 2017
Time: 103 minutes
Points: 8 for bonus weekend
Bonuses: see above
Summary: I was never intrigued by the premise of the book because I heavily favor supernatural horror, plus I thought it would be hard to translate the obvious psychological terror into a compelling book, much less a movie. Wrong! I knew with the talent involved it would be at least fairly good, but was surprised at how good it was and the creepiness of the Moonlight Man.
8 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Personal Challenge (27 points)

I already posted my selfie eating a Buffalo Burger on the Jackalope at Wall Drug, but via text the Head Hauntress agreed to award a point for each Wall Drug sign photo also, which I had not processed till now. For every one I took, I have seen at least 5 I didn’t shoot. Yes, there are really that many.

Doc Terror Tobe Hooper Binge

Body Bags
1993
Time: 90 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: Tobe Hooper segment, “Eye”
Summary: I love a good horror anthology, and really love horror cameos, and this antho has director John Carpenter stealing the show as the coroner hosting the three stories. Unfortunately, the Tobe cameo made me sad, but not as sad as the Wes Craven one, which caught me off guard. So many good cameos though, including Greg Nicotero and his flowing hair LOL.
7 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
1974
Time: 83 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: Tobe
Summary: It’s freakin’ Texas Chainsaw Massacre…. what more can be said? One thing that has stuck with me is the fact that it doesn’t show as much gore as you think. Much of it is implied, such as you don’t see the meathook going into the girl. And of course, the final scene with the improvised chainsaw dance. Classic. RIP Tobe.
10 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Salem’s Lot
1979
Time: 187 minutes
Points: 9
Bonuses: Stephen King and Tobe Hooper ATB
Summary: One of the best TV miniseries and Stephen King adaptations ever in my opinion, despite its age. David Soul (Starsky or Hutch?) in the lead role. Lance Henriksen as the horror loving aspiring writer in a buddy film pairing adolescent Stephen King with adult writer Stephen King. But the Glick boys vampire scene is still one of the creepeist things I have ever seen.
8 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Poltergeist
1982
Time: 114 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: Tobe Hooper. Duh.
Summary: Yeah, the creepy clown doll scene is classic and scary as hell, but otherwise, I confess I always found this film kind of boring and overrated. (Sorry Tobe.) Sue me.
6 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Invaders from Mars
1986
Time: 93 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: Tobe
Summary: Bud Cort? HELL yes! Thhis is just silly, which is the point. I prefer when Tobe goes full on scary, but it’s not bad.
5 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Toolbox Murders
2004
Time: 95 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: Tobe
Summary: Pretty damn good remake by Tobe with Angela Bettis in a not-so-crazy role to cleanse my palate of her uber crazy turn in May. Sheri Moon Zombie gets a gig NOT from her husband, at least not directly. Definitely the apartment building from hell, with a killer hiding behind the walls.
7 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Eaten Alive
1977
Time: 90 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: Tobe
Summary: Holy guacamole, I missed this one somehow. First, the “Buck” line borrowed by Tarantino, but Freddy Krueger? Rather gruesome evidence you should avoid Texas at all costs except Austin. Not that I didn’t know that already.
6 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

The Others tv series, Souls on Board
2000
Time: 60 minutes
Points: 4
Bonuses: Tobe
Summary: I loved this TV series, which was sadly cancelled after its first season. Mick Garris did one episode, Clive Barker made a cameo in one about Jack the Ripper… it’s about a band of psychics who deal with phenomenon but feel an impending evil threat coming. Since it ended after one season, they sadly succumbed to that evil. But this episode found them on a plane with parts from a flight that mysteriously crashed and voices were heard on the black box after the crash. I was lucky to find someone with bootleg copies of the series.
9 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

The Funhouse
1981
Time: 96 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: ATB for Tobe Hooper on Doc Terror’s list
Summary: This is one of my all-time favorites… I am obsessed with carnivals and fortunetellers and love this movie so much it hurts. Major nostalgia watching them on rides like The Cobra from the fairs of my youth (is that still around?) and the bittersweetness of knowing their fun and happiness is about to be seriously cut short. I love everything Sylvia Miles does and you can see so many things “borrowed” or paid homage to in this movie by later filmmakers, most notably Rob Zombie, but also the crazy bag lady reminds me of one of the homeless people in Prince of Darkness and one of the incarnations of the killer in The First Power.
10 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

The Video Nasties!

Absurd
1981
Time: 90 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: Video Nasty
Summary: A movie where blood coagulating faster then normal is the monster quality, and apparently triggers homicidal tendencies. Baking someone’s head in the oven is pretty gruesome if that is possible with the door open? Love how they used an insulin syringe to administer IV push meds. Absurd, indeed.
2 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

Anthropophagus
1981
Time: 91 minutes
Points: 6
Bonuses: Video Nasty
Summary: Tourists on an island dsicover why there is hardly anyone there — a demented psycho of course. Another offering from Joe D’Amato. Better than absurd, but I’m just not feeling these.
3 out of 10 YEARS OF THE MADNESS!

 

 

 

 

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THE MADNESS: CIRCUS Week 3!

THE MADNESS: CIRCUS Week 3!

Another creepy clowns photo by me.

Yes, I sucked this week. Life has been getting in the way of just sitting around all day watching movies, but I promise I will go out Halloween week with a bang. (So keep plugging away team for the team championship) I got some favorites in this week, but stillholding off for some of the biggies till next week and Halloween.

Special Bonuses

Nada

Movies

Rob Zombie’s 31
6 points
ATB for homicidal clowns
Rob Zombie always divides people into two extreme camps. I love his style even when I see flaws in his films, but I thought this was a step forward for him from a critical perspective. I don’t really get the 31 thing, other than Rob being obsessed with Halloween.
1:45
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

Walking Dead (S6E12, S6E13, S7E1)
3 points
No bonuses
I watched the last two episodes of Season 6 leading into the Season 7 premiere last night (almsot forgot to count those two old ones.) No clowns or carnivals, but that was some fucked up shit. I’d still do Negan though. Sue me.
3:00
4.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Near Dark
2 points
No bonuses
One of my favorite vamp flicks of all time. Love the dark moodiness of it and the sicck humor of that bar scene. Bigelow is so much better at directing than her ex-husband.
1:45
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Lost Boys
3 points
1 for boardwalk
I have never stopped obsessing over Jami Gertz’s gypsy skirt. The two Coreys. Jason Patric. Kiefer Sutherland. And I adore Dianne Wiest. Pure awesome.
1:45
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

30 Days of NIght
2 points
No bonuses
Yeah, I’m on a vampire kick here. This is what vampires should be – scary and ugly as fuck. Even Ethan Hawke is bearable in this,and Ben Foster… oh, how wonderful he is in his small role, as usual.
1:45
4.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Halloween Wars
1 points
Bonus for Sid Haig as guest judge
I was just watching this for fun when I saw Sid was judging. Pretty sure this is his first time on the show? Anyway, those Sugar Psychos seem unstoppable for the final crown.
1:00
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

976-EVIL
2 points
No bonuses
One of my favorite horror films directed by Freddy Krueger and oh-so-80s. Dig that show phone in the beginning sequence. Plus remembering when 900 numbers first came out and were the big thing. Campy and creepy.
1:00
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

American Werewolf in London
2 points
No bonuses
Still also feeling that full moon and into werewolves. How can anyone not love this classic, plus I hold a specil place in my heart for “Nurse Price.” I guess I shoudl consider myself warned to never take stray paitents home with me, LOL.
1:00
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Howling
2 points
No bonuses
I know many would argue AWINL as the best wereowlf movie, but The Howling is my personal favorite. Love the sly humor and the creepy irony of those samn smiley face sticker. Kills me every time.
1:00
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Full Eclipse
2 points
No bonus points
I know, I know.. Mario van Peebles doesn’t exactly scream “quality cinema,” especially for a werewolf movie, but I think this is a nice little sleeper with a great twist on the werewolf legend.
2:00
3.5 out of 5 creepey clowns

The Serpent and the Rainbow
2 points
No bonuses
Now I’m on a voodoo kick. EXCELLENT movie on a very real practive, although the supernatural side embellished. One of my favortie horror movies of all time and soem seriously creepy shit.
2:00
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Believers
2 points
No bonusesMore voodoo, with Martin Sheen and his son coming under attack after his wife is killed in a freak accident. Jimmy Smits has a small role and suffers an especially bad voodoo curse. And let’s not even go into what happens to Sheens new girlfriend. Ick.
2:00
4.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

American Horror Story: Roanoke
1 point
Sarah Paulson, but it’s already in genreNot sure how I feel about this season compared to previous ones. Kathhy Bates is outstanding as always, but the problem with the format is we know the main characters survive, so it takes a lot of suspense out of it. Her name escapes me at the moment, but the actress from 6 Feet Under was stellar this episode, with her backwater, hillbilly human beef jerky. She has a sort of quirky, dtizy quality like Dianne Wiest, but much darker.
1:00
3.5 creepy clowns

Total points: 30

 

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The Madness: Circus Week 2!

The Madness: Circus Week 2!

I think that Friday evening and Saturday off killed my momentum, as I was enjoying the quiet of no TV (and no screaming) and had a hard time getting back in the groove. I also found myself this week wanting to do some non clown horror. I figure it will even out in the end when I would have run out later in The Madness anyway. Hey, it’s Halloween season and I can’t neglect all my other favorite horror movies, right? (Rhetorical question) So here it is: Week 2 is a little weak, but then it was last year for me too as I was doing a temp job all week and couldn’t watch much.

Sorry, I’m a bit late… I created a template for the last two weeks and I swear I am going to keep up a lot better this time so I’m not doing my whole round-up at once.

theatrebizarre090277a

(Photo of creepy clowns at Theatre Bizarre by me)Special Bonuses

No outside events this week. I’ve been a workaholic recluse. And broke. 🙁

Movies/TV

Sunday

The Devil’s Rejects
6 points
ATB for homicidal clown, and sex with a clown
Okay, Capt Spaulding is in this one as well as HOTC, but he is only wearing the clown makeup this time rather than the whole suit, but we know he does the whole get up and gets angry when people diss clowns, so he clearly identifies as a clown. That’s my argument. This is a homage to retro exploitation horror, with Sherri Moon and Bill Mosely terrorizing two couples and sexually humiliating the women in particular. Otis’ look is considerably tamed down from HOTC, and he’s more like a homicidal Greg Allman. The woman replacing Karen Black sucks and was too over the top. Great music, but I’m a little pissed at Rob Zombie for using “Freebird” at the end, because I always wanted to write a “going out in blaze of glory” scene to that song. Fucker.
1:47
3 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Creeping Flesh
2 points
No Bonuses
Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee… SIGH. No clowns in this, but this has always been one of my favorite movies with these two. I can’t really pin down why, but I know when I watched it at a young, impressionable age, it scared me. Hence, it has become a favorite “comfort” movie like the horror movie equivalent of mac and cheese.
1:34
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Company of Wolves
2 points
No bonuses
Another clown free movie but one of my favorite dark fariy tales and werewolf movies. I love the strange tics of the actor playing the Big Bad Wolf in this Little Red Riding Hood homage. And the subtle, but very present sexuality in his performance. We need more werewolves likethis, please. ‘Kay thanks.
1:35
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

Sunday total: 10 points

 

Monday/Tuesday

AHS: Freakshow Episodes 1 – 13
39 points
ATB for homicidal clown (Twisty then Dandy)
(This is one story/movie broken down into installments so I am treating it as one movie/mini series) I think this is probably my favorite season of AHS of all. While the New Orleans Coven started strong, it degenerated into campy muck and I hated that. I’m sure my obsession with dark carnivals and being the outcast has a lot to do with this as well. The backstories of the characters are heartbreaking and really elevate the whole thing, although Ryan Murphy always finds a way to make a few missteps each season, but this one is as close to flawless as it gets for me. Loved Jessica Lange’s German accent covers of Bowie and Lana. And also loved the great use of that sort of surreal quality Wes Bentley has. I can’t put my finger on it, but he has a sort of dreamy, otherwordly vibe about him. The Tupperware Massacre is hilarious, and a case where the campy factor works well. The Orphans episode is heartbreaking. Someone please give that actress who has played Pepper an Emmy already.
1:00 each = 13:00
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

Monday/Tuesday Total: 39 points

 

Wednesday

Splash Area: Night of the Freaks
6 points
ATB for homicidal clown
Maybe it was the porn scene right before it, but for a second there I thought that dude was Ron Jeremy from his profile. Now that’s a fucking horror. These idiots try to get away from someone chasing them by climbing up the tower on playground equipment, like 4 feet off the ground? Just kill them already for terminal stupidity. This is trying to be the raunchy horror version of The Princess Bride with Ron Jeremy telling kids a story. Murderous gang in clown makeup, although there is some little trick or treater running around in full clown costume. Kill someone already you little shit so I can get my ATB for this garbage! Wait, they are practising some clown schtick in a room with amusement park crap, so I am calling them clowns by profession, and Ron Jeremy is referring to them as clowns. ATB!
1:30
1 out of 5 creepy clowns

Jingles the Clown
6 points
ATB for homicidal clown
Welcome to the Crackers and Jingles Show? That just screams homicidal clown. Hey wait, “Tommy Brunswick” sounds familiar. And so is John Anton… I worked with some of these people when I did stills photography for Lee Martin’s The Midnight Hour in Detroit! For the sake of being nice, I don’t have much more to say about this, although it is better than most of the independent horror films I have been watching. But oh,some bad acting in there.
1:23
2 out of 5 creepy clowns

Scary or Die
6 points
ATB for homicidal clown
I was a little irritated at this for using a clown on the poster, implying a lot of clown action in this anthology. Fortunately there was one story where this poor guy is bit by the kid’s party clown from hell with Tim Curry “It” teeth,and he transforms into a sort of zombie clown, including going from African-American to his skin turning into the color of greasepaint. Dig that white afro. The other stories were pretty good, especially “Taejung’s Lament” with a good mix of horror in this five story antho.
1:34
3.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Wednesday Total: 18 points

 

Thursday

Silver Bullet
2 points
No bonuses
We’re approaching the full moon, so I start getting antsy for werewolf movies. Busey. Haim. Stephen King. Werewolf priests. How can you go wrong?
1:35
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Lord of Illusions
2 points
No bonuses
One of my favorite movies of all time, and a tragically underrated one by Clive Barker. Interesting note: Barker did a short monologue on a Criss Angel song before he became famous.Lord of Illusions is about an illusionist pretending to be fake when he is real. Is life imitating art? You decide.
1:35
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Evil Dead
3 points
Bruce Campbell wildcard
Even without the wildcard, this is mandatory every Halloween season. I normally like my horror straight up horror with little or no humor, but Bruce Campbell always delivers exceptions to the rule. I favor this one over ED2.
1:49
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Evil Dead 2
3 points
Bruce Campbell wildcard
Where the original had soem genuinely creepy things mixed into the humor (cellar girl, “we’re gonna get you…”) this is just straight up slapstick comedy. But it’s not a bad thing. Bruce Campbell is still a silver fox, but damn, he was smokin’ back then.
1:24
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

 

Thursday Total: 10 points

 

Friday

Supernatural S12 E1
1 point
No bonuses
Yeah, I know this show jumped the shark a long time ago, but I love the characters and J2. Sue me. Mama Winchester has been resurrected and Cass is kicking ass. Crowley remains Crowley ( I always get Ozzy Osbourne in my head when he is on screen… “Mr. Crowley, what went on in your head?…”
1:00
3 out of 5 creepy clowns

Viewing party

The Houses That October Built
(6 points)
ATB for homicidal clown
Annoying character you sort of root for to die right away,and that “twist” ending that they hunters were the hunted was so obvious to us, as it should have been to them when creepy doll girl showed up the second time. DUH. However, the ending has some good scares, imagining yourself in that situation, and particularly bad for claustrophobics. And I love getting a glimpse into Halloween haunts.
1:31
3 out of 5 creepy clowns

Mockingbird
(6 points)
ATB for homicidal clown
I was like “Oh God, another found footage movie,” but Leonard fucking rocks. That’s all you need to know.
1:21
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

Stitches
(6 points)
ATB for homicidal clown
More douchebag kids who deserve to die. Very reminiscent of We All Scream for Ice Cream with the fatal clown accident, then return from the dead for revenge. The egg tradition was interesting — didn’t know that about “copyrighting” their face designs on ceramic eggs.
1:26
2 out of 5 creepy clowns

Triple Play Viewing party Bonus: 25 points

Friday total: 26 points

 

Saturday

Secrets of the Clown
6 points
ATB for homicidal clown
We just go right to big, fake boobies, don’t we? He’s a sleazy looking guy wearing a necklace. Kill them already. Yes! Homicidal clown for the ATB! Psychic goth girl picks up on clown killer.  Uh-oh, something up with that clown doll. Jesus, I know it’s low bduget, but that doesn’t have to mean stupid… love the microscope in the hospital room. Clown doll in a microwave? Bad dialogue, bad acting,bad set dressing. Bad, bad, bad.
1:41
1 out of 5 creepy clowns

Fear of Clowns 2
6 points
ATB for homicidal clown
Jesus, amateur hour again. Can someone instruct budding horror filmmakers about the concept of LIGHTING. Colourophobia reference, Monica Lewinsky moderating press conference. There are some seriously scary clown makeups here. How is someone’s car on fire funny? I knew he helped them find her. What a dick.
1:47
2 out of 5 creepy clowns

Exorcist III
2 points
No bonuses
No clowns, just wanted a creepy movie. George C. Scott is so oevr the top, but love so many creepy things about this movie. The kill methods, the religous imagery, the dream sequence withteh angel swing band… and those scary big shears.
1:50
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Forest
2 points
No bonuses
I hate it when people do stupid shit, and they deserve what they get when they do. A) twin sister going into suicide forest (which is a  real thing) B) protagonist sister being stubborn and insisting on staying when they could have easily come back the next morning with the guide  C) following the girl who is obviously a ghost and D) leaving the fucking campsite. This is another idea I am pissed someone did because I saw a documentary on this forest and wated to write something about it. Fucker.
1:33
3 out of 5 creepy clowns

Saturday Total: 16 points

 

Weekly Point Total: 119 points

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THE MADNESS: CIRCUS Week 1!

THE MADNESS: CIRCUS Week 1!

Outside Events

Attended Scarefest in Lexington KY for Friday and Saturday. – 2 points

The Head Hauntress had a hard time accessing the event website to create personal challenges as it was overloaded, but per the FB group post, this video of Gwar saying “Enjoy the Madness” is at least 20 points –  20 points

Circus envy video – did you tell me 10 points for this? Can’t find where I asked.

31 panel with discussions of killer clowns – 10 points?

Celebrity Ghost Hunt with Chip Coffey and Ghost Hunt Weekends crew – We investigated the James Pepper Distillery which is being renovated, and were the first group to ever get access to the site. We were divided into three groups, and two different groups made contact with a “Bob” through a spirit box. Our group also had a strange thermal image on a brick wall, plus we kept getting pleas for help from someone named “Ethel.” 2 points

Up to 54 points pending The Hauntresses ruling on the videos given she could not access the Scarefest site prior to teh event to issue personal challenges in advance

Secret Bonuses This Week (Summaries Below)

Here’s  a summary of what I think may be the secret bonuses for quick scanning. These are my guesses that I watched this week, as there are multiple options for some.

10 POINTS
1920 – Dark Carnival – The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari
1982 – Scary Clown Doll – Poltergeist. Duh.
1983 – Dark Carnival – Something Wicked This Way Comes
1990 – Traveling Circus – The Rainbow Thief
1992 – Rockband Clowns – Bad Channels
1997 – Demonic Clown – Spawn
2007 – Back for Revenge Clown – We All Scream for Ice Cream, (100 Tears, Dead Silence)
2007 – Serial Killer Clown – Drive Thru, (Fraternity Massacre at Hell Island)
2009 – Scary Clown Doll – The Hole
2010 – Happy vs Sad Clown – The Last Circus

15 POINTS
1980 – Rockband Clowns – Terror on Tour
1987 – Happy but Scary Singing Clown – Blood Harvest
2003 – Clown as Profession (Documentary) – Capturing the Friedmans

20 POINTS (NON HORROR but ACCEPTED GENRE)
2010 – Clown Gang STILL NO FUCKING CLUE

Maximum of 145 points

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Sunday

House of 1000 Corpses
6 points
ATB for homicidal clown, you middle class, Malibu Barbie pieces of shit.
I know this is one of those movies people love or hate. I happen to love it. Derivative? One man’s “derivative” is another’s “homage.” It takes me back to a lot of old horror films I love, even if Rob Zombie tried to pack too many ideas into one film. You have to give props to a film with Karen Black, Walt Goggins, Chris Hardwick and a soundtrack that includes Buck Owens.
1:45
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

Amusement
6 points
ATB for homicidal clown/attack by a clown “doll.”
Not just creepy clown dolls, including a life size one, but a creepy laugh. Nice twists and turns that I missed the first time around, although they seem quite obvious now when watching.
1:25
3.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Poltergeist
6 or 10 points for secret bonus
ATB for attacking clown doll
I hadn’t seen this movie in a long time, and while some of it stands the test of time well, but that scene where the invesigator looks in the bedroom for the first time is just ridiculous, as is a steak sliding across the counter. Also, JoBeth WIlliam’s joy at living in a house where chairs and children slide across the floor. Hint: That’s where you are supposed to get the hell out, not after Satan drags your child off to another dimension. There’s a “life hack” for you.
1:54
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari
6 or 10 points if secret bonus
ATB for homicidal clown/mime
Oh how I wish I had kept up my German. Classic surreall set design and creepy killer.
1:07
4.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Halloween Wars
4 points per Hauntress challenge
Elvira is back like every season to judge edible Halloween scenes. The short challenge involved evil selfies, and then the big witch and warlock face off. Team Sugar Psychoes took both and are off to a strong start. 1:00
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

It
9 points
ATB for homicidal clown
What is that crazy thing Tim Curry does when he talks, the way he curls his lips, that is so creepy? Classic Stephen King miniseries and the creepiest clown ever, quite possibly. Yet another unnecessary remake of a classic. We ALL float down here…
3:07
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Monday

Something Wicked this Way Comes
6 or 10 points if secret bonus
Secret bonus or ATB for Dark Carnival collecting souls
This may very well be the ultimate dark carnival movie: a very creepy (and spidery) fortuneteller; a dignified dealmaking devil; and Jason Robards for the win. I hate spiders, so anyone who has seen this knows there is a particularly bad scene in this one for arachnaphobes. I did find it odd When Mr. Dark (Jonathan Pryce) asked Jason Robards where the boys were. You can make people young again but you can’t find the boys yourself through telepahy or something?
1:35
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Spawn
3 or 10 points for secret bonus
Wild Card John Leguizamo
Oh HELL no,he did not just eat that piece of pizza with live maggots on it. John Leguizamo is insane in real life as well as his portrayal; of the demented clown in Spawn. This movie is so sad for poor Spawn, but so deliciously full of evil fun with Leguizamo.
1:36
3.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Terror on Tour
6 or 10 points if secret bonus
Secret bonus or ATB for homicidal clown and multiple instances of sex with clowns
Dear God, I know this was supposed to be a riff on Kiss, but who came up with that makeup? And who choose those afros? Those mime leotards? PS. We can tell you totally ripped off the riff from AC/DC’s “Let There Be Rock.”
1:27
2 out of 5 creepy clowns for so bad it’s good factor

The Last Circus
6 or 10 points if secret bonus
Secret bonus or ATB for homicidal clown
Sweet baby, Jesus, I wanted to like this, but for the love of god that narrator never SHUT UP. I don’t mind foreign films and subtitles, but the Spanish chatter was non stop, even when characters weren’t saying anything and it continued well into credits. SHUT UP for chrissakes. Which is shame because as annoyed with it as I was, I could see some great filmmaking, and loved the last scene. In hindsight, I should have just turned the sound off because I think it would have worked just fine on subtitiles and performances alone. Bizarre love triangle between an acrobat, and her abusive “happy” clown husband, and “sad clown” nice boyfriend. Ultimately, they destroy her with their fighting.
2:05
2 out of 5 creepy clowns due to non stop chatter

The Rainbow Thief
2 or 10 points if secret bonus

Secret bonus or Wild Card ALEJANDRO JODOROWSKY
I freely admit Emily tipped me off to this one when she saw the wild card list. And she had it on her Plex. I had never heard of it, which is amazing witgh Christopher Lee, who plays an eecentric old rich man. Dalmatians at the table eating caviar and humans being fed big bones, and a harem of scantily clad females in a rainbow of colors fawning over him as he rides his saddle scooter that serves as his wheelchair. Plus Peter O’Toole and Omar Shariff. PS. When you shock someone in cardiac arrest, if you are touching the bed you get shocked too. That’s why we say “CLEAR!” And chicks dig Christopher Lee
1:29

4 out of 5 creepy clowns

Ash Vs Evil Dead Weekly challenge 201
6 points for special challenge
I know it’s the same schtick as from last season, but for some reason I found this funnier than usual. Ash better be careful sidling up to Lucy Lawless, even if she is a hot MILF.
.5
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Tuesday

Dead Silence
6 points or 10 for secret bonus
ATB for attacking clown doll or secret bonus
A lot of people don’t like this movie but I think it is creepy as hell. Donnie Wahlberg is over the top at being over the top, but I can forgive that. I love creepy dolls, even if I missed that madness.
1:29
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Hole
6 points or 10 for secret bonus
ATB for clown doll attack-or secret bonus
I hadn’t seen this till last year’s madness, but that creepy jester mad a lasting impression on me. Nice cameo with Bruce Dern, who is awesome.
1:32
3.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

100 Tears
6 points or 10 points for secret bonus
ATB for homicidal clown or secret bonus
The opening credits were promising, then it went straight to hell, and not in a good way. Poor lighting, sound, writing and acting. No suspense, backstory etc, just jumps right in. When the best part of your movie is using Voltaire’s “When You’re Evil,” you have a problem
1:30
1 out of 5 creepy clowns

Drive Thru
6 or 10 points if secret bonus
ATB for homicidal clown or secret bonus
“Fast food kills, fuckers!” Indeed. This is a scary clown makeup, and this is how you do cheeky horror satire. Awesome cameo by Morgan Spurlock as a fast food joint manager. (“Super Size Me” dude)
1:23
3 out of 5 creepy clowns

Batman Returns
6 points
ATB for homicidal clowns
I only watched this because I was hoping there was a rock band clown scene in here as I hadn’t found it yet. I really can’t stand Michael Keaton as Batman, although I love Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman and Danny DeVito as The Penguin.
2:06
3 out of 5 creepy clowns

Clown Town
12 points
Special double bonus this week
What’s worse than a killer clown? Why, a whole gang of killer clowns. Especially really scary ones as these are. I suspect the “based on real events” element is mighty slim here. Or hope so.
1:26
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

Wednesday

Bad Channels
2 points or 10 for secret bonus
I never thought I would find that damn 1992 rock band clowns movie. Emily was vexed too, till I finally saw this rock themed movie and thought, there has to be a clown band in there somewhere. And there was. Martha Quinn of MTV VJ fame as an intrepid reporter who stumbles on a radio stationn taken over by aliens kidnapping and minaturizing women. Yeah.
1:28
3 out of 5 creepy clowns

Blood Harvest
3 points or 10 for secret bonus
Wild Card Tiny Tim or secret bonus, although I’m not sure how “happy” he is while being scary
Just weird Tiny Tim vehicle that feels more 70s than 1987. I figured out the end long before the end. Loads of gratuitous nudity, including some full frontal. Normally i woudl complain about the alck of equal male:female nudity, but given this stars Tiny Tim that is probably a good thing.
1:28
2 out of 5 creepy clowns

AHS: Roanoke E3 and E4
2 points total
Had to catch up on this series, which is a far cry from the over the top Hotel and Freakshow. I’m keeping an open mind, but it is a bit slow, and the real life vs re enactments a bit gimmicky. Just tell the story.
2:00
3 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Crow
6 points
ATB for homicidal mime
I know this doesn’t need a remake, but I love Jason Momoa, so I am keeping an open mind. He has beena fan of the movie and is relaly into it, and if you have seen Road to Paloma, you  can see he may be able to pull this off. He can do more than muscle men and super heroes. But nothing and no one will ever replace Brandon Lee, RIP.
1:42
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Crow: City of Angels
6 points
ATB for homocidal mime
Not quite as successful as the original, but still great eye candy with a darker fetish-y theme. And oh, how Iggy Pop shines here!
1:24
3 out of 5 creepy clowns

Thursday

Clownhouse
6 points
ATB for homicidal clowns
I freakin’ LOVE this movie! it’s a shame the director got caught up in some pedo controversy, and the film was buried. Three lunatics escape from the asylum and disguise themselves as clowns, terrorizing this poor kid who was already afraid of clowns. That’s gonna be a huge therapy bill!
1:21
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Funhouse
6 points
ATB for Dark carnival ride
Now this is a classic. Tobe Hooper has some stupid kids decide to spend the night in the funhouse, only to discover some sociopathic owners and a disfured freak in real life. Can’t help but think Tiny in House of 1000 Corpses was influenced by this. We know Rob Zombie loves those vintage horror films.
1:36
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Capturing the Friedmans
10 points for secret bonus (pretty sure this is right for documentary)
Documentary about a teacher andsometime clown performer arrested for child pornography, as well as one of his sons. The documentary features footage of the ordeal shot by the family as well as new footage that calls into question whether these men actually molested anyone. (The father admitted to being a pedophile and having child pornography but supposedly plead guilty to save his son with a plea deal.) As it turned out, the son served time as well. And that poor wife/mother as the outcast in her own home with her husband and three boys who bonded and made their own clique. Very sad.
1:47
4.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

We All Scream for Ice Cream
3 or 10 points for secret bonus
ATB for homicidal clown
What happens when voodoo meets ice cream trucks vendors from beyond. Tasty treats that leave their targets in a melty gooey mess.Kind of silly, but fun.
57 minutes
3.5 out of 5 stars

Fraternity Massacre at Hell Island
6 points or 10 for secret bonus
ATB for homicidal cown or secret bonus
Dear lord, I can’t say I have ever seen anything quite like this. I knwo it wasn’t meant ot be taken seriously, but isi ti really the good kind of bad. Not really. Except I love how the homicidal clown dances over dead bodies. That bit is a keeper.
1:20
2 out of 5 creepy clowns

93 points if secret bonus guesses are correct (I didn’t count my first guesses in this total, but everything else)

max possible: 54 + 145 + 93 = 292

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