Latest senseless remake: 'Jacob's Ladder'

"Jacob's Ladder" is the latest good horror film to get an unnecessary remake.

They’re doing it again.

By “they,” of course, I mean Hollywood execs without one ounce of original thought, who sit in meetings pillaging old films to remake. The latest classic horror remake on the table is 1990’s “Jacob’s Ladder,” starring Tim Robbins as a Vietnam vet having very bad and demonic hallucinations.

Now, someone watching it today might not be as impressed but the creepy “shaking head” special effects of the creatures, but when the movie first came out, that had never been seen before. Of course, having Robbins on board and Adrian Lyne directing didn’t exactly hurt, either, but this somewhat lesser known film was very creepy and disturbing.

In other words, they got it right the first time around.

PLEASE explain to me how you can make this scene any scarier. And why you even feel you need to try to.

No actors have been attached yet, but “The Midnight Meat Train” screenwriter Jeff Buhler will be writing the remake.

I suppose this should be expected from the recent success of the “Evil Dead” remake. But that film put it’s own spin on the camp classic, playing it for straight horror. That won’t be possible this time around, so let’s hope they don’t get the “brilliant” idea to make it “funny.”


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'Evil Dead' remake trailer… interesting

I’ve always thought that “Evil Dead” had some very creepy moments despite the bargain basement special effects and the campy humor. I’ve often wondered what the film would have been like if it had been played as straight horror and had a decent budget.

Looks like I’m going to find out.

The film is currently scheduled for a 4/5/13 release, and this trailer is interesting… very interesting. After years of seeing good trailers for shitty movies, I’m not quick to get excited, but let’s just say, I’ve gone from “Why the hell are you remaking this, you bastards!” to “Let’s see how it turns out.”

Have a look at the trailer and see what you think.

First photos from 'Carrie' remake

If you’re a diehard horror fan, the word “remake” makes your stomach turn, but if you are the casual viewer or have a stomach made of steel, the first images of the upcoming “Carrie” remake have been released. The film stars Chloe Grace Moretz in the title role and Julianne Moore as her wacko mother, which will hopefully redeem this needless remake to some degree.

I can feel the collective weary sigh of true horror fans everywhere.

The original features Sissy Spacek and Piper Laurie, both of which received Oscar nominations — for a horror film. Read that line again, folks — Spacek, Laurie, Oscar nominations, and horror all in the same sentence. Now add into the mix that the 1976 original was directed by Brian DePalma.

Yes, Brian freakin’ DePalma — the guy who also brought us “Dressed to Kill,” “Blowout,” “Scarface,” Femme Fatale”… okay, strike that last one, but with a record like that, we can forgive one bomb in the bunch. This is the director they feel needs the remake treatment.

Excuse me for moment while I go bang my head against a wall.

Of the infamous blood bath scene, Moretz told Entertainment Weekly “We only have, like, four chances to get it right. Because that stuff stains your hair.”

So, like, get it right on the first take, sister.

EW also reports this version will be “more modern and character-focused,” because the original certainly had no character development and was so action-driven.

The film is scheduled to be released on March 15, 2013.


Julianne Moore signs on for ‘Carrie’ remake

"Game Change" Washington, DC PremiereAs Hollywood can’t leave perfectly good horror movies alone, they are moving forward with yet another unnecessary remake — this time targeting the Stephen King horror classic “Carrie.” The one spot of good news in this story is that it was announced Monday they have cast actress Julianne Moore to play the part of Carrie’s crazy mother, Margaret White.

After a stint playing Clarice Starling opposite Anthony Hopkins madman Hannibal Lecter, Moore gets to be the one to go a little mad this time around.

While Moore has received her fair share of accolades as an actress, the role of Margaret White proved to be a real godsend for the previous actress cast in the role, Piper Laurie — Laurie received a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her role in the film.

So who is supposed to fill Sissy Spacek’s shoes for the role of Carrie herself? Chloe Grace Moretz has reportedly signed on for the role of the tormented, and dare we say bullied, high school girl whose rage unleashes a prom tragedy.

We love Moore, but is it really necessary to remake a horror film — a horror film — that earned one of its stars an Oscar? Call me crazy, but that seems to imply the movie was really good enough the first time around.


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