THE MADNESS: CIRCUS Week 3!

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Another creepy clowns photo by me.

Yes, I sucked this week. Life has been getting in the way of just sitting around all day watching movies, but I promise I will go out Hallwoeen week with a bang. (So keep plugging away team for the team championship) I got some favorites in this week, but stillholding off for some of the biggies till next week and Halloween.

Special Bonuses

Nada

Movies

Rob Zombie’s 31
6 points
ATB for homicidal clowns
Rob Zombie always divides people into two extreme camps. I love his style even when I see flaws in his films, but I thought this was a step forward for him from a critical perspective. I don’t really get the 31 thing, other than Rob being obsessed with Halloween.
1:45
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

Walking Dead (S6E12, S6E13, S7E1)
3 points
No bonuses
I watched the last two episodes of Season 6 leading into the Season 7 premiere last night (almsot forgot to count those two old ones.) No clowns or carnivals, but that was some fucked up shit. I’d still do Negan though. Sue me.
3:00
4.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Near Dark
2 points
No bonuses
One of my favorite vamp flicks of all time. Love the dark moodiness of it and the sicck humor of that bar scene. Bigelow is so much better at directing than her ex-husband.
1:45
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Lost Boys
3 points
1 for boardwalk
I have never stopped obsessing over Jami Gertz’s gypsy skirt. The two Coreys. Jason Patric. Kiefer Sutherland. And I adore Dianne Wiest. Pure awesome.
1:45
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

30 Days of NIght
2 points
No bonuses
Yeah, I’m on a vampire kick here. This is what vampires should be – scary and ugly as fuck. Even Ethan Hawke is bearable in this,and Ben Foster… oh, how wonderful he is in his small role, as usual.
1:45
4.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Halloween Wars
1 points
Bonus for Sid Haig as guest judge
I was just watching this for fun when I saw Sid was judging. Pretty sure this is his first time on the show? Anyway, those Sugar Psychos seem unstoppable for the final crown.
1:00
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

976-EVIL
2 points
No bonuses
One of my favorite horror films directed by Freddy Krueger and oh-so-80s. Dig that show phone in the beginning sequence. Plus remembering when 900 numbers first came out and were the big thing. Campy and creepy.
1:00
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

American Werewolf in London
2 points
No bonuses
Still also feeling that full moon and into werewolves. How can anyone not love this classic, plus I hold a specil place in my heart for “Nurse Price.” I guess I shoudl consider myself warned to never take stray paitents home with me, LOL.
1:00
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Howling
2 points
No bonuses
I know many would argue AWINL as the best wereowlf movie, but The Howling is my personal favorite. Love the sly humor and the creepy irony of those samn smiley face sticker. Kills me every time.
1:00
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Full Eclipse
2 points
No bonus points
I know, I know.. Mario van Peebles doesn’t exactly scream “quality cinema,” especially for a werewolf movie, but I think this is a nice little sleeper with a great twist on the werewolf legend.
2:00
3.5 out of 5 creepey clowns

The Serpent and the Rainbow
2 points
No bonuses
Now I’m on a voodoo kick. EXCELLENT movie on a very real practive, although the supernatural side embellished. One of my favortie horror movies of all time and soem seriously creepy shit.
2:00
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Believers
2 points
No bonusesMore voodoo, with Martin Sheen and his son coming under attack after his wife is killed in a freak accident. Jimmy Smits has a small role and suffers an especially bad voodoo curse. And let’s not even go into what happens to Sheens new girlfriend. Ick.
2:00
4.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

American Horror Story: Roanoke
1 point
Sarah Paulson, but it’s already in genreNot sure how I feel about this season compared to previous ones. Kathhy Bates is outstanding as always, but the problem with the format is we know the main characters survive, so it takes a lot of suspense out of it. Her name escapes me at the moment, but the actress from 6 Feet Under was stellar this episode, with her backwater, hillbilly human beef jerky. She has a sort of quirky, dtizy quality like Dianne Wiest, but much darker.
1:00
3.5 creepy clowns

Total points: 30

 

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The Madness: Circus Week 2!

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(Photo of creepy clowns at Theatre Bizarre by me)

I think that Friday evening and Saturday off killed my momentum, as I was enjoying the quiet of no TV (and no screaming) and had a hard time getting back in the groove. I also found myself this week wanting to do some non clown horror. I figure it will even out in the end when I would have run out later in The Madness anyway. Hey, it’s Halloween season and I can’t neglect all my other favorite horror movies, right? (Rhetorical question) So here it is: Week 2 is a little weak, but then it was last year for me too as I was doing a temp job all week and couldn’t watch much.

Sorry, I’m a bit late… I created a template for the last two weeks and I swear I am going to keep up a lot better this time so I’m not doing my whole round-up at once.

Special Bonuses

No outside events this week. I’ve been a workaholic recluse. And broke. 🙁

Movies/TV

Sunday

The Devil’s Rejects
6 points
ATB for homicidal clown, and sex with a clown
Okay, Capt Spaulding is in this one as well as HOTC, but he is only wearing the clown makeup this time rather than the whole suit, but we know he does the whole get up and gets angry when people diss clowns, so he clearly identifies as a clown. That’s my argument. This is a homage to retro exploitation horror, with Sherri Moon and Bill Mosely terrorizing two couples and sexually humiliating the women in particular. Otis’ look is considerably tamed down from HOTC, and he’s more like a homicidal Greg Allman. The woman replacing Karen Black sucks and was too over the top. Great music, but I’m a little pissed at Rob Zombie for using “Freebird” at the end, because I always wanted to write a “going out in blaze of glory” scene to that song. Fucker.
1:47
3 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Creeping Flesh
2 points
No Bonuses
Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee… SIGH. No clowns in this, but this has always been one of my favorite movies with these two. I can’t really pin down why, but I know when I watched it at a young, impressionable age, it scared me. Hence, it has become a favorite “comfort” movie like the horror movie equivalent of mac and cheese.
1:34
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Company of Wolves
2 points
No bonuses
Another clown free movie but one of my favorite dark fariy tales and werewolf movies. I love the strange tics of the actor playing the Big Bad Wolf in this Little Red Riding Hood homage. And the subtle, but very present sexuality in his performance. We need more werewolves likethis, please. ‘Kay thanks.
1:35
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

Sunday total: 10 points

 

Monday/Tuesday

AHS: Freakshow Episodes 1 – 13
39 points
ATB for homicidal clown (Twisty then Dandy)
(This is one story/movie broken down into installments so I am treating it as one movie/mini series) I think this is probably my favorite season of AHS of all. While the New Orleans Coven started strong, it degenerated into campy muck and I hated that. I’m sure my obsession with dark carnivals and being the outcast has a lot to do with this as well. The backstories of the characters are heartbreaking and really elevate the whole thing, although Ryan Murphy always finds a way to make a few missteps each season, but this one is as close to flawless as it gets for me. Loved Jessica Lange’s German accent covers of Bowie and Lana. And also loved the great use of that sort of surreal quality Wes Bentley has. I can’t put my finger on it, but he has a sort of dreamy, otherwordly vibe about him. The Tupperware Massacre is hilarious, and a case where the campy factor works well. The Orphans episode is heartbreaking. Someone please give that actress who has played Pepper an Emmy already.
1:00 each = 13:00
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

Monday/Tuesday Total: 39 points

 

Wednesday

Splash Area: Night of the Freaks
6 points
ATB for homicidal clown
Maybe it was the porn scene right before it, but for a second there I thought that dude was Ron Jeremy from his profile. Now that’s a fucking horror. These idiots try to get away from someone chasing them by climbing up the tower on playground equipment, like 4 feet off the ground? Just kill them already for terminal stupidity. This is trying to be the raunchy horror version of The Princess Bride with Ron Jeremy telling kids a story. Murderous gang in clown makeup, although there is some little trick or treater running around in full clown costume. Kill someone already you little shit so I can get my ATB for this garbage! Wait, they are practising some clown schtick in a room with amusment park crap, so I am calling them clowns by profession, and Ron Jeremy is referring to them as clowns. ATB!
1:30
1 out of 5 creepy clowns

Jingles the Clown
6 points
ATB for homicidal clown
Welcome to the Crackers and Jingles Show? That just screams homicidal clown. Hey wait, “Tommy Brunswick” sounds familiar. And so is John Anton… I worked with some of these people when I did stills photography for Lee Martin’s The Midnight Hour in Detroit! For the sake of being nice, I don’t have much more to say about this, although it is better than most of the independent horror films I have been watching. But oh,some bad acting in there.
1:23
2 out of 5 creepy clowns

Scary or Die
6 points
ATB for homicidal clown
I was a little irritated at this for using a clown on the poster, implying a lot of clown action in this anthology. Fortunately there was one story where this poor guy is bit by the kid’s party clown from hell with Tim Curry “It” teeth,and he transforms into a sort of zombie clown, including going from African-American to his skin turning into the color of greasepaint. Dig that white afro. The other stories were pretty good, especially “Taejung’s Lament” with a good mix of horror in this five story antho.
1:34
3.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Wednesday Total: 18 points

 

Thursday

Silver Bullet
2 points
No bonuses
We’re approaching the full moon, so I start getting antsy for werewolf movies. Busey. Haim. Stephen King. Werewolf priests. How can you go wrong?
1:35
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Lord of Illusions
2 points
No bonuses
One of my favorite movies of all time, and a tragically underrated one by Clive Barker. Interesting note: Barker did a short monologue on a Criss Angel song before he became famous.Lord of Illusions is about an illusionist pretending to be fake when he is real. Is life imitating art? You decide.
1:35
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Evil Dead
3 points
Bruce Campbell wildcard
Even without the wildcard, this is mandatory every Halloween season. I normally like my horror straight up horror with little or no humor, but Bruce Campbell always delivers exceptions to the rule. I favor this one over ED2.
1:49
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Evil Dead 2
3 points
Bruce Campbell wildcard
Where the original had soem genuinely creepy things mixed into the humor (cellar girl, “we’re gonna get you…”) this is just straight up slapstick comedy. But it’s not a bad thing. Bruce Campbell is still a silver fox, but damn, he was smokin’ back then.
1:24
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

 

Thursday Total: 10 points

 

Friday

Supernatural S12 E1
1 point
No bonuses
Yeah, I know this show jumped the shark a long time ago, but I love the characters and J2. Sue me. Mama Winchester has been resurrected and Cass is kicking ass. Crowley remains Crowley ( I always get Ozzy Osbourne in my head when he is on screen… “Mr. Crowley, what went on in your head?…”
1:00
3 out of 5 creepy clowns

Viewing party

The Houses That October Built
(6 points)
ATB for homicidal clown
Annoying character you sort of root for to die right away,and that “twist” ending that they hunters were the hunted was so obvious to us, as it should have been to them when creepy doll girl showed up the second time. DUH. However, the ending has some good scares, imagining yourself in that situation, and particularly bad for claustrophobics. And I love getting a glimpse into Halloween haunts.
1:31
3 out of 5 creepy clowns

Mockingbird
(6 points)
ATB for homicidal clown
I was like “Oh God, another found footage movie,” but Leonard fucking rocks. That’s all you need to know.
1:21
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

Stitches
(6 points)
ATB for homicidal clown
More douchebag kids who deserve to die. Very reminiscent of We All Scream for Ice Cream with the fatal clown accident, then return from the dead for revenge. The egg tradition was interesting — didn’t know that about “copyrighting” their face designs on ceramic eggs.
1:26
2 out of 5 creepy clowns

Triple Play Viewing party Bonus: 25 points

Friday total: 26 points

 

Saturday

Secrets of the Clown
6 points
ATB for homicidal clown
We just go right to big, fake boobies, don’t we? He’s a sleazy looking guy wearing a necklace. Kill them already. Yes! Homicidal clown for the ATB! Psychic goth girl picks up on clown killer.  Uh-oh, something up with that clown doll. Jesus, I know it’s low bduget, but that doesn’t have to mean stupid… love the microscope in the hospital room. Clown doll in a microwave? Bad dialogue, bad acting,bad set dressing. Bad, bad, bad.
1:41
1 out of 5 creepy clowns

Fear of Clowns 2
6 points
ATB for homicidal clown
Jesus, amateur hour again. Can someone instruct budding horror filmmakers about the concept of LIGHTING. Colourophobia reference, Monica Lewinsky moderating press conference. There are some seriously scary clown makeups here. How is someone’s car on fire funny? I knew he helped them find her. What a dick.
1:47
2 out of 5 creepy clowns

Exorcist III
2 points
No bonuses
No clowns, just wanted a creepy movie. George C. Scott is so oevr the top, but love so many creepy things about this movie. The kill methods, the religous imagery, the dream sequence withteh angel swing band… and those scary big shears.
1:50
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Forest
2 points
No bonuses
I hate it when people do stupid shit, and they deserve what they get when they do. A) twin sister going into suicide forest (which is a  real thing) B) protagonist sister being stubborn and insisting on staying when they could have easily come back the next morning with the guide  C) following the girl who is obviously a ghost and D) leaving the fucking campsite. This is another idea I am pissed someone did because I saw a documentary on this forest and wated to write something about it. Fucker.
1:33
3 out of 5 creepy clowns

Saturday Total: 16 points

 

Weekly Point Total: 119 points

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Retro Cinema: ‘Silver Bullet’

Retro Cinema: ‘Silver Bullet’

How can you go wrong when you mix Stephen King, Gary Busey, and one of the Coreys? Trick question… You can’t go wrong. Plus if you add in a few werewolves, and some campy gore, you’ve got a big bundle of 80s horror known as “Silver Bullet.”

Corey Haim plays Marty, a boy stuck in a wheelchair that’s been dubbed the Silver Bullet. The story is narrated by his older sister, Jane (Megan Follows), reminiscing about the past. But in the present the story’s set in, she pretty much feels that he’s a pain in the butt. That starts to change and they find themselves coming together when people in their small town are turning up not only dead, but ripped to pieces. And the murders are metaphorically ripping the town apart as well.

When Marty’s best friend becomes the latest victim, the townsfolk seek some vigilante justice and want to hunt down whoever — or whatever — is killing people, despite pleas from the local sheriff. Of course, they go out hunting it at night. During a full moon.

Do I really need to tell you how that’s going to end? Yeah.

When Uncle Red (Busey) comes to visit Marty and Jane, that’s when things get really interesting. After Uncle Red builds Marty a supercharged motorized wheelchair and gives him some fireworks, Marty sneaks out in the middle the night to go set them off. Little does he know, this will bring him face to face with the beast that is terrorizing his town. During this late-night confrontation, Marty injures the werewolf, putting out an eye. It escapes, so Marty and Jane go on a hunt around town to find out who has a telltale injured eye. And suffice it to say, it is not the person they expected.

Unfortunately, the werewolf knows that they know, so they have to rely on Uncle Red to protect them when the beast comes to attack the only ones who know his identity.

The movie is based on Stephen King’s short story, “Cycle of the Werewolf.” Many King adaptations tend to turn into more campy fun than horror when they hit the screen, and this film follows that trend. That doesn’t mean it isn’t good… I mean, this is a classic 80s horror film that’s a lot of fun. And I’ve always been really partial to werewolves, but don’t expect any fancy transformation scenes in this one. In fact, I think the werewolf sort of looks like a teddy bear — I’m guessing that wasn’t exactly the effect they were going for.

Of course, there’s a bittersweet element to it now in light of Haim’s early demise, and the living train wreck that Busey has become. This is a pre-“Lost Boys” Haim, before Hollywood tore him apart. And Busey is in his prime here. The film is family-friendly if you’re looking for a film for kids that still appeals to adults.

Although you might have to explain Busey’s line that he’s more nervous “then a virgin on prom night.”

Retro Cinema is a new column that reviews a different retro horror film every Monday. Subscribe at the top of the page for updates on new film reviews, interviews and horror news.

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The Madness Final Descent Into Darkness! Week 4

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So, I started this last week of The Madness as the “dark horse” so to speak, no pun intended, in third place with 515 points + 20 early bird = 535. Ravyn was in second with 546 + 40 early bird + 25 handicap = 611, and Newt in first with 579 +40 early bird = 619. So that was 76 points to make up for 2nd place and 84 points to make up for 1st. Seems impossible, doesn’t it? Don’t be too sure…

TV

Walking Dead – 60 minutes (no bonus) 1 point: Is he or isn’t he dead? I say no, since he wasn’t on Talking Dead and it’s ambiguous. But it’s cheap. Not cool, Kirkman, not cool. 2 stars

Talking Dead – 60 minutes (no bonus) 1 point: Whatever. Still pissed about them toying with us including Gimple’s “statement” but how much it hurts them too. There is a limit to how much you can manipulate something without pissing fans off. You found and surpassed it, because there is no way Glenn could have survived. After they ate through Nicholas they would have gone through him too. 2 stars

Face Off Season Finale Part 2- 60 minutes (no bonus) 1 point: I totally knew Nora would win. Her shit was together before and on set, so much more than everyone. 3.5 stars

Inkmaster Halloween Tattoo special – 60 minutes (no bonus) 1 point: God, dealing with watching St Marq again should be worth extra points. What a douche. The guy with the mohawk never had a chance, it was Clean (?) all the way. The Cheech and Chong costumes were funny but Dave Navarro should have worked a little harder. 3 stars

American Horror Story: Hotel “Mommy”  – 69 minutes making it technically a feature. I totally missed that the rest of the Madness (vampires) 3 points: Love the idea of bringing in the Richard Ramirez thing in homage to the real hotel that inspired this, but that’s about the only thing good I can say. And the makeup job on Lily Rabe was so good I didn’t recognize her at first. Oh how you torment me Ryan Murphy with your flashes of brilliance, then your misguided need to go campy  and overkill everything. STOP that please, except when it is appropriate, like that one dance number in Asylum. 2 stars

Supernatural “The Bad Seed” – 60 minutes (nemesis is The Darkness) 2 points: I love Rowena… “It’s the MEGA  coven!” They just aren’t feeling it, sister. 3 stars

Supernatural  “Baby” –  60 minutes  (nemesis is The Darkness., werewolf/vampire hybrid) 3 points: Kind of dialogue heavy this episode. At first I was afraid they were going to “kill” off Baby in this episode, which would have pissed me off royally. Dean’s car is as much a character as anyone in this series. I’m referring to my big laptop as Baby now. 3 stars

It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown – 30 minutes 0.5 points: Caught this flipping through the channels. A classic. 5 stars

Halloween Wars finale with Elvira – 60 minutes (Elvira bonus) 2 points: Oh man, that zombie party could have won if they had laid it out better without so much dead space, no pun intended. One of the masquerading zombies was sort of hidden behind another. They should have had the table going straight back and two zombie masqueraders on each side. So close… 3.5 stars

Ash vs. Evil Dead premiere  6 points: Now Bruce Campbell knows how to do campy, and this is awesome! Love his realness (and his humor about it) and not some buffed guy, and his two average sidekicks. Thank goodness I have Starz. 4.5 stars

Ghost Adventures “Deadwood” – 120 minutes feature (ATB willingly going into basement counts right? night vision) – 6 points: I got suckered into this 2 hour Halloween special from Deadwood. Sometimes Zak is such a douche, but sometimes I’m not entirely sure. Or at least he has moments when he isn’t a douche. I actually thought it was a fairly good episode, but would have been improved if they brought in Tim Olyphant to reprise his role as Seth Bullock. Anything is better with Oly. I intend to binge Justified once The Madness is over. 4 stars

Ghost Adventures “Island of the Dolls” – 60 minutes (Night vision) 2 points I was trying to find episodes that went into caves or basements for more bonuses but watching Zak whimper like a little girl over creepy dolls was worth it. What an idiot. Rating based on entertainment value rather than quality of investigation. 4 stars

Ghost Adventures “Bell Witch Cave” – 60 minutes (night vision, cave) 3 points – This was pretty creepy actually, at the beginning talking about the old legend, but descended into melodrama. I do not trust some of their so-called technology. 3 stars

31.5 points

Dark Father, Moses Rising challenge

Last week I watched the prequels (VOMIT) and the original IV, plus the special edition of IV, V and VI, the holiday special and Attack the Block.

Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back original (ATB Star Wars) 6 points: There’s a little difference in the special effects between the original and the special editions, but not much. All of the original trilogy are awesome. 5 stars

Star Wars The Return of the Jedi original (ATB Star Wars) 6 points: I really already talked about this last week. 4.5 stars

Uncut Fan film 1 (ATB Star Wars) 6 points: A New Hope… hands down the best sequence were the ones not trying to impress George Lucas and trying to be all professional and shit. 3 stars

Uncut fan film 2 (ATB Star Wars) 6 points: Empire Strikes Back  I actually made notes about some of the segments somewhere, but can’t find them. I am so sick of Star Wars, I MAY be ready for the new one this Xmas. Maybe. 3 stars

And at the last minute, literally, did my sing along theme right before sunrise, as I almost forgot about it. It’s posted on the Facebook page where it will eventually fade into oblivion, rather than posted here for eternity. Fortunately, my favorite part of the theme is that melancholy “call to the hero’s adventure” thing where Luke is being all emo, because it’s very short. What’s really scary is the video posted was about my fifth try and the best of the lot. Note to self: don’t try to sing the quiet parts quietly unless you can actually sing. -5 stars, 10 points

34 points, plus whatever bonus points we get for doing the whole thingy…

Movies

LOTR trilogy: Quite frankly, I’m surprised these films didn’t come up more on peoples’ lists because the major points for these came up in a discussion before the Madness started. I had been meaning to watch them but simply didn’t get around to it until week 4. I was going to watch them before starting the Star Wars challenge when I realized most seemed to have forgotten them and it was good game to wait till the last week and not remind everyone.

The Lord of the Rings – 177 minutes (ATB Dark Lord Saruman) 9 points: Amazing opening film of the trilogy. A little slow in places while building characters, but really impeccable. And I was so excited to see Christopher Lee again. 5 stars

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers – 179 minutes (ATB Dark Lord Saruman) 9 points: In some ways I love the second installment of trilogies best because of that whole “dark night of the soul” thing and that certainly applies here, with epic fucking battle scenes to boot. 5 stars

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King 201 freakin’ minutes (ATB Dark Lord Saruman)  10.5 points: I have to say this was my least favorite film of the trilogy and I always hate the sappy celebration ceremonial scenes in theses epic adventures. Too Hollywood. 4.5 stars

John Carpenter’s Vampires – 108 minutes (ATB: death by sunlight) 6 points: This reminded me very much of From Dusk till Dawn 2 for the camp factor, but James Woods trumps the Terminator guy for the win.  And it’s John Carpenter, yo. 3.5 stars

night breed

Night Breed  director’s cut- 120 minutes (ATB death by sunlight) 6 points: Clive Barker always embraces the outsiders on the fringe and this dark underworld he created in Midian is populated with all kinds of fantastic creatures, and David Cronenberg puts in a chilling performance. 4.5 stars

The Beyond – 87 minutes (ATB hellmouth) 6 points: If you ever inherit and old hotel in Louisiana — or anywhere — make sure it isn’t built on the gateway to hell, ‘kay? Very gory, and is it me or does Fulci really like to mutilate eyes? 3.5 stars

Frankensteins Castle of Freaks with Elvira – 102 minutes (ATB for finale in cave and Elvira clause) 9 points: If Elvira is hosting it, you know it isn’t exactly Oscar worthy. 2 stars

Dog Soldiers – 105 minutes (werewolves) 3 points: This little sleeper is a great werewolf movie, which is so hard to do, especially low budget. They wisely kept the bodies human and put really scary wolf heads on them, giving them a new look but also simplifying the special effects. Very well done. 4 stars

Silver Bullet – 95 minutes (werewolf) 3 points: Stephen King. Gary Busey. Corey Haim. What can possibly go wrong? At least with Busey and Corey before they went to shit. 5 stars

Wolfman – 103 minutes (werewolves)  3 points: Lots of hardcore horror fans complained about this “remake” which really isn’t a remake but a film in its own right. I personally really love this film, although Anthony Hopkins is a little over the top. Benecio is perfect though. 4.5 stars

Full Eclipse – 93 minutes (werewolf, eclipse) 4 points: Pretty good TV movie with Patsy Kensit, Mario Van Peebles and Bruce Payne who plays the leader of a pack of vigilante cops turned werewolf-like humans. They inject themselves with a serum so they don’t have to wait for the full moon but little do they know its brain fluid from their leader, who is the real thing during the eclipse. “This is your brain, this is you on my brain.” Yeah.  4 stars

3 Tunnels 2 Hell – 85 minutes (ATB finale in underground tunnel system) 6 points: An island they have to turn into a horse camp so the owner can keep the property, but there are underground tunnels with a maniac. you want to hurry up and die. Loathsome characters you wish would hurry up and die already. Bad acting, bad script, bad directing… they actually showed a horse taking a dump for a joke. 0 stars

Beth(Alex Reid), Holly (Nora Jane Noon) and Sarah (Shauna Macdonald)

The Descent – 99 minutes (ATB finale in cave) 6 points: Very scary cave film, even if you aren’t claustrophobic or afraid of the dark. 4 stars

The Descent 2 – 93 minutes (ATB finale in cave) 6 points: Wait, this chick is really going back in the mine, even though she claims she remembers nothing? And they are taking an elevator down rather than going to the entrance used by the women? That ending was so cruel. 3.5 stars

The Cave – 97 minutes (ATB finale in cave) 6 points: In the description they mention these guys from Pitch Black, Coyote Ugly and The Brothers and no mention of Cersei? C’mon. The Descent meets Alien. 3.5 stars

Interview with a Vampire – 123 minutes (ATB death by sunlight) 6 points: I loathe Tom Cruise and even though this wasn’t as bad as expected, I still wish they had cast someone else. Brad Pitt is perfect as Louis, and it’s a pretty good film. But did I mention I HATE Tom Cruise? 3.5 stars

Fright Night 2 2013 – 100 minutes (ATB death by sunlight) 6 points: Pfft. I didn’t even like the original sequel so much so the remake of a sequel… nah. 2 stars

evil dead ash

Evil Dead – 85 minutes (Bruce Campbell but no bonus) 2 points: One of those low point movies but how can you not watch, especially when they play these right before the Ash vs Evil Dead premiere. I may be in the minority, but this is my favorite. 5 stars

Evil Dead 2 – 84 minutes 2 points: Sam and Bruce cranked up the intentional humor in this one, and it’s a lot of fun, but I still like the first better. But hey, it’s GROOVY. . 4 stars

Army of Darkness – 81 minutes (dropped in pit, darkness in title) 4 points I missed the viewing party but caught this on Starz before the Ash vs Evil Dead premiere. This seems to be everyone’s favorite, but I would rate this last of the trilogy. I’m in the minority.4.5 stars

Graveyard Shift – 80 minutes (ATB, willingly goes into basement) 6 points: If you are cruel to animals — even rats — you’ll get what you deserve in this movie inspired by a Stephen King tale. Some poor drifter gets like, the worst job in the world andgets trapped with a monster and the co-workers from hell  3 stars

Jeepers Creepers – 90 minutes (ATB finale underground) 6 points: Eh, okay movie. Honestly, I watched it because I saw the Hauntress label it as ATB somewhere, for finale. The sniffing thing is pretty creepy and that noise it makes when it finds something it likes. 2.5 stars

Blair Witch Project – 81 minutes (ATB willingly go into basement) 6 points: This is a great slow burn film that gets under your skin, and I can forgive it for the onslaught of bad found footage movies since. Still very unnerving, and it was a long time before I could go hiking by myself after this one. 5 stars

House of 1000 Corpses  –  89 minutes (ATB finale in underground tunnels) 6 points: This used to be my go to movie when I wanted something fun and mindless to watch, but hadn’t seen it in quite some time. Love Chris Hardwick and Walt Goggins’ small role. I love a lot of things about this movie, but Zombie tried to throw in too many things in the second half. Is it homage or rip off? I say homage, and fall on the love it side of this one, which seems to be love it or hate it. 4 stars

976-Evil – 92 minutes (ATB Englund character is “Master of the Dark”) 6 points:  I LOVE this movie, and its one of my go to movies now for the nostalgia and old school horror. I love how Robert Englund scattered so many devil references throughout as director and the voice on the phone. Heavy handed but fun. Sandy Dennis was brilliant as the holier than thou mother, and of course “Evil” was perfect for this one. 5 stars

Halloween – 91 minutes (no bonuses) 2 points: I hated doing a 2 point movie, but I had to do Halloween on Halloween. If I can’t win with this one, I don’t want to win. And none of that Rob Zombie shit. 5 stars

Suspiria – 92 minutes (witches attack at night, blind character) 4 points: My favorite Argento film of all time. Deliciously beautiful AND gory. And scary as hell. 5 points

My Bloody Valentine 2009 – 101 minutes (ATB finale in mine) 6 points: I saw this film posted on the Madness page and totally forgot about the mine factor.  Normally I would prefer the original, but hello Dean Winchester! definitely tongue in cheek remake but without going overboard on humor. 3.5 stars

154.5 points

Special Bonuses

mammoth cave

Seasonal walk throughs – 3 total: Quarantine, Hospital and Haunted House/Carnival themes at Wicked World Scaregrounds 6 points 3 stars, 3 stars and 4 stars 

C’mon, y’all didn’t really think I’d pass up that Mammoth Cave bonus when its like, 2 hours from me, right? Plus it was my only way to have a shot at winning because I knew I could never catch up with Ravyn and Newt on watching points alone, especially once the secret bonuses were gone. So it comes down to special bonuses — if they have some, I’m screwed most likely, and if they don’t, I can take this. I really had told myself after last week winning one week was good enough and was thinking of blowing it off, but Emily convinced me to go, so if this gives me the win, it’s a collaborative effort in that sense.

Having said that, it was well worth it, The Madness aside, and I’m happy to say I had no claustrophobia freakouts, even on the tour that was lantern light only. So, yes, I did TWO tours. I wanted to go for three, but two of the tours I felt I could handle weren’t offered that day because of work being done on one and the other only being offered weekends, or I would have broken the overall points record. I guess it just wasn’t mean to be. But anyway…200 effin’ points + 2 for mileage (mileage is only one way? If not, then 4 points for 2 hours each way)

208 Points

31.5 (TV) + 34 (Dark Father/Star Wars)  + 154.5 (movies) + 208 (Special bonuses) = 428 + 515 (previous total) + 20 (early bird) = 963 + special bonus for doing ALL Star Wars (including video)

Read it and weep, or if you other two did any special bonuses, read it and laugh at my feeble attempt to take it all. Time will tell.

THE MADNESS: Darkness – Week 2

Sam of Trick 'R Treat. And lots of Jack O Lanterns

Well, I got several secret bonuses last week for The Madness by being totally OCD and posting right at noon Friday, but lost Saturday and reaping the consequences this week of the lost day and lost momentum. Fortunately I had a lot of time to try to make things up this week or this would have been a lot worse. Plus I didn’t realize how much horror I watch without trying, particularly TV.

Secret Bonuses?

The Shrine – 84 minutes (Secret bonus, mist/fog) – What is with people who insist on doing stupid things that put themselves and others in danger? Some pesky reporter gets her friends to go to Poland looking for a missing person and they stumble upon some unfriendly locals who chase them away. Then they go back and find a dense and very defined fog. That’s where I would say, “Bye!” But no, they enter and right off the bat it’s demon statues that turn and face you when you aren’t looking. BYE, already! Started good but degenerated into shameless Linda Blair ripoff. 2 stars

Pitch Black – 109 minutes (possible secret bonus? Radha Mitchell, Vin Diesel, monsters that attack at night, holed up in cave?) – Great action movie with a new twist on monsters that attack at night, with the unpredictability of a different planet’s solar schedule. So disappointing that Vin and Radha never got to hook up. 4 stars

Dracula: 2000 – 99 minutes (other possible secret bonus from 2000? Wes Craven producer, vampires, destroyed by sunlight) I know it’s kind a cheesy, but I’m a sucker for New Orleans and I love the Judas twist. 3.5 stars

Willow – 125 minutes (Billy Barty, descent into darkness?) I was convinced this was going to be the 20 point bonus, but the descent into darkness element isn’t clear to me. Willow and Meegosh fall through the ground when they encounter the Brownies, so maybe that counts? They all enter Queen Bavmorda’s castle, which is a place of darkness, literally and metaphorically, yet I’m not sure that qualifies? I’m not sure this is the one. There really should have been a Val Kilmer wild card though. This kind of fantasy is not really my thing, but I’ll give it 3.5 stars for having such an unconventional hero.

Madness Viewing party (30 points):

The Darkness – 102 minutes (darkness in title, attacks in dark, secret room, power outage, Anna Paquin, Lena Olin) – Creepy little thriller in Ana’s pre-Sookie days. 4 stars

The creepy clown in The Hole. BURN THE FUCKING HOUSE DOWN ALREADY.

The Hole – 91 minutes (pit) – How many dirty “hole” double entendres can be packed in one film and how many creepy doll attacks before you burn that fucking house down already! 4 stars for creepy doll, even if it did get silly in the end. 3.5 stars

The Ghost and the Darkness – 109 minutes (Darkness in title) – Is it just me or is Val Kilmer popping up a lot? I couldn’t help but think of Cecil through this and it made me sad. 3.5 stars

More Horror Movies

The Company of Wolves – 95 min (Werewolf) This is one of my favorites, directed by Neil Jordan with a twist on the Little Red Riding Hood theme, and some serious sexual tension from the Big Bad Wolf. Dreamy and surreal… 4.5 stars

Ginger Snaps – 109 minutes (Werewolves, Emily Perkins, Mimi Rogers used to be married to Tom Cruise, can that count?) I obviously love weird sisters with the same interests and the photos are amazing in the opening credits, even inspiring me on a photoshoot to make my own poison tea party. Mimi Rogers is hilarious as the clueless mom. 5 stars

Nastasha tea party

Darkness Falls – 85 minutes (darkness in title, attacks in dark, destroyed by light) A sick twist on the tooth fairy legend, which is sort of predictable but I sort of like this one anyway. 3.5 stars

Silent Hill – 125 minutes (attacks during darkness, Radha Mitchell, going down into underground?) I sort of wrote this off when it first came out, not liking the monster in it, but now love the creepy atmosphere and you have to love the skinning scene. 4 stars

The Mist – 126 minutes (mist,) What a cruel, cruel ending. Half the cast of The Walking Dead and yes, Carol is a badass survivor even before zombies. Didn’t love or hate it particularly. 2.5 stars

30 Days of Night – 113 minutes (vampires, killed by daylight, extended darkness) Finally some scary vampires in the age of twinkle toes Edward. That’s how you make a damn vampire movie, and Ben Foster may have had a small role, but was brilliant as always. Am I the only on who thinks Danny Huston sort of reminds you of a vampiric Anthony Bourdain? 4.5 stars

The House that Dripped Blood – 102 minutes (vampires, Christopher Lee) I love these three stories, featuring Lee and Peter Cushing in separate tales. 5 stars

sir christopher lee Oh how we miss you Sir Christopher

Sleepy Hollow – 105 minutes (attack at night, Christopher Lee, horseman and witch buried in tree) Still my favorite Tim Burton film, paying homage to the days of Hammer with Sir Christopher and throwing in Johnny Depp as bonus. Divine. 5 stars

Underworld – 121 minutes (both vampires AND werewolves, subway/underground tunnels, destroyed by sunlight) Vampires vs werewolves. Like vampires could really win. 4.5 stars

The Thing – 106 minutes (Rob Bottin, arctic, hidden tunnel under floor) The winter/arctic movies we did for the warm up were good, but this is the best. When John Carpenter is on he’s really on. 5 stars

Queen of the Damned – 101 minutes (vampires, Lena Olin) I really like this one because I want to live in London and join the Talamasca, so I live vicariously through Jessie. (Yet another use for a degree in demonology) 4 stars

The Ninth Gate – 133 minutes (Lena Olin). Vintage books on the devil. French apartments with massive libraries of aforementioned books on the devil. Johnny Depp. Castles. How can I not love it? 5 stars

The Howling – 91 minutes (Rob Bottin, werewolves) This is still one of the scariest werewolf movies to me, and those smiley face stickers get under my skin. 4.5 stars

Trick ‘R Treat – 83 minutes (werewolves, quarry qualifies as big pit?, Anna Paquin, victim being buried comes to life) This is a modern classic and now a Halloween tradition. Just the right mix of cheeky and creepy. 5 stars

TV Shows

Walking Dead – 90 minutes Season Premiere I wasn’t too impressed with the season premiere, or maybe my expectations are just too high. 3 stars

Fear the Walking Dead X2 “Cobalt” and “The Good Man” – 60 and 60 minutes (power outages) I just didn’t get into this spinoff, and didn’t watch the last two episodes till this week. Pretty strong ending, but the whole season I kept wondering why that girl never did go back and check on her boyfriend. Huge plot issue for me. 3 stars, 3.5 stars

Face Off – 60 minutes The finalists were chosen but none of the makeups really blew my away this episode. Kinda “meh” 2.5 stars

Scream Queens – 60 minutes “Pumpkin Patch” (night vision) More silly, campy fun and sorority hijinks, but the novelty is starting to wear off a little. Need a little more than Chanel being a bitch and Niecy Nash. 3.5 stars

American Horror Story: Hotel – 60 minutes “Chutes and Ladders” (vampires, forcibly walled up, “buried” alive in mattress?, secret game room for vamp kids) Uh-oh, I’m seeing signs of going campy again this season, with Evan Peters’ flashbacks of a serial killer and a fashion show? Oh please, keep it dark and glamorously creepy. 3.5 stars

Supernatural – 60 minutes S11E2 (darkness spreading thoughout world) I love Sam and Dean, but oh, it’s getting really tired. And they are tormenting us with the impending death of Cass, making it look like he’s about to be a goner, then saving him. You are cruel Robert Singer and company. 2.5 stars