Retro Cinema: Salem’s Lot

Retro Cinema: Salem’s Lot

One of the first books by Stephen King to find its way on celluloid was the made-for-TV flick “Salem’s Lot,” starring David Soul of “Starsky and Hutch” fame. (Don’t even ask me which he was because not only do I not remember, I don’t think I even knew back then.)

Now, when you think 70s and made-for-TV, one usually isn’t too optimistic about the result. But this was the exception, with good acting, nice makeup and yes, vampires that were scary and not emo. Not that should be surprising under the direction of Tobe Hooper.

The plot synopsis: Writer Ben Mears (a thinly-veiled King) returns to his hometown to explore some childhood trauma for a new book. He meets a girl, played by Bonnie Bedelia, and befriends the young teen Mark Petrie (Lance Kerwin) who is obsessed with the macabre (a thinly-veiled teenage King) and they join forces when the townsfolk start falling ill and dying unexpectedly. It’s no coincidence this starts shortly after a stranger arrives and occupies the spooky Marsten house, getting it ready for its new mysterious owner who no one has seen.

Or at least no one who lives to tell the tale.

James Mason is supreme as the evil caretaker for one seriously fugly vampire, and this was the first time I had seen a Nosferatu-inspired vampire. Between him, and the vampires tapping on the windows, this one has some genuine creeps. Geoffrey Lewis (Juliette’s dad) also has a great scene, featured below.

Grab this while you can: It’s out of print and you may have to go VHS to stay in budget.

Salem’s Lot (1979) Cast
David SoulBen Mears
James Mason … Richard K. Straker
Lance Kerwin … Mark Petrie
Bonnie Bedelia … Susan Norton
Lew Ayres … Jason Burke
Julie Cobb … Bonnie Sawyer
Elisha Cook … Gordon ‘Weasel’ Phillips
George Dzundza … Cully Sawyer
Ed Flanders … Dr. Bill Norton
Clarissa Kaye … Majorie Glick
Geoffrey Lewis … Mike Ryerson
Barney McFadden … Ned Tibbets
Kenneth McMillan … Constable Parkins Gillespie
Fred Willard … Larry Crockett
Marie Windsor … Eva Miller
Barbara BabcockJune Petrie
Bonnie Bartlett … Ann Norton
Joshua Bryant … Ted Petrie
James Gallery … Father Donald Callahan
Robert Lussier … Deputy Constable Nolly Gardner
Brad Savage … Danny Glick
Ronnie Scribner … Ralphie Glick
Ned Wilson … Henry Glick

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Claustrophobics beware: ‘Catacombs’ and ‘As Above, So Below’

Claustrophobics beware: ‘Catacombs’ and ‘As Above, So Below’

You know when you go to those haunted attractions and they have that section that is pitch black? Yeah, that’s the part that freaks me out. I feel like I can’t breathe. Does that make me claustrophobic? Maybe, but I know movies where people go into caves or underground caverns produce just a little bit of that same feeling.

So as you can imagine, two fairly recent releases tapped into that claustrophobia, the first being As Above, So Below.

From the get-go, I hated the “heroine,” Scarlett (Perdita Weeks) and wanted to kill her throughout the movie. As some fearless seeker of the lost “Philosopher’s Stone,” she gives exactly zero fucks who she puts in jeopardy in her quest right from the first frame of the film to the last. I really hated her

They throw in some weird supernatural happenings in this one which I would normally like, but I really didn’t get it overall. Apparently they go through some gateway to hell where their greatest guilt trips come back to haunt them as their path gets smaller and smaller with cave ins behind them forcing them to keep going ahead into the unknown.

What the hell were you thinking going down there in the first place, dumbasses? I am never going down in that shit. NEVER, y’all.

catacombs movie
I thought Catacombs was the better of the two Paris catacombs films, where Pink plays a jackass-y character who invites her sister to Paris for the sole purpose of terrorizing her and making fun of her it appears. They go to a party in the catacombs and of course mousy, bullied sister Victoria (Shannyn Sossamon) gets separated and lost.

The twist in Catacombs is there is a maniac killer down in the dark with Victoria. Why or why did you go down in that shit? There aren’t enough flashlights int he world to guarantee you’ll not get lost in the dark. Forever. That’s more than enough reason not to go without even contemplating maniacs stalking their prey.

Did I mention I am never going down in those catacombs? Hell to the no.

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THE MADNESS: CIRCUS Week 4!

THE MADNESS: CIRCUS Week 4!

Clown photo by me. These guys were so damn creepy peeking through the curtains

Movies/TV

Last Week: I forgot to include my binge of Scream Queens last week but was approved to include it this week by the Head Hauntress.

Scream Queens
4 points
No bonuses
Episodes 1-4 binge catch up. Chanel is as bad as ever, Niecy is a show stealer again and Jamie Lee is always awesome. I don’t want to give spoilers away, but by the 4th episode, this show finally gets serious about killing off some main characters. And the Ivanka Trump killer costume is genius.
4:00
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

Week 4

Death: A Love Story
6 points
ATB for homicidal clown
Anthology that was surprisingly good. I didn’t see that coming on the Hooker story.
1:`17
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

Thinner
3 points
Bonus: Traveling Gypsy Carnival (Wildcard Tom Holland)
Stephen King classic, and I’m alwyas a sucker for a gypsy fortuneteller. (King of the Gypsies is one of my favorite movies, although I think a young Eric Roberts might have some part in that)
2:00 (tv)
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

Dreamcatcher
2 points
No bonuses
I love me some Oly (Timothy Olyphant) even if he doesn’t make itall the way through. King really has a thing for weirdo kids fighting the supernatural even after they grow up.
2:00 (tv)
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

Blade
2 points
No bonuses
review
2:00 (tv)
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

Holidays
6 points
ATB for homicidal clown
Seriously creepy kid alert in the St. Patty’s day story. WTF? That was a weird segment. I was pleasantly surpised with this anthology as well, taking other holidays to make some really creepy stories.
1:45
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Secrets of Emily Blair
2 points
No bonuses
I didn’t know demonic possession turns blondes brunette. And they say blondes have more fun. This actress is horrible playing some possessed Barbie type.
1:35
1 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Collector
2 points
No bonuses
Opening credits are oh-so-Se7en. This is a pretty good movie, actually. Derivative, sure, but creepy.
1;29
3.5 out of 5 creeepy clowns

Clown
ATB Killer Clown
6 points
Who double books a clown? Suburban fear and loathing when some poor schmuck tries to be a good dad by filling in when the clown doesn’t show for his son’s birthday party (Anyone else think of Steve Martin in Parenthood?) with disastrous results when he can’t take off the cursed clown costume. Reminded me of another movie I watched but damn if I can remember the name. They are all running together at this point
1:39
3 out of 5 creepy clowns

Killer Legends
6 points
ATB for real life killer clown John Wayne Gacy
I love this documentary on the real origins of urban legends. Real life can be a lot scarier than fiction.
1:24
4.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Killer Klowns from Outer Space
6 points
Is that ice cream driver The Captain from Captain and Tennille? A blow up raft in the back of a pickup. how romantic
1:26
3.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Slaughter High
6 pts
ATB for homicidal jester
No, that’s not fair… these assholes had it coming. Why should they get revenge on him for getting revenge? I call bullshit. There should be a Caroline Munro wildcard just because she rocks.
3 out of 5 creepy clowns

13 Ghosts
2 points
No bonuses
I hate that lispy kid, but love Matthew Lillard. If this family is so poor, how can they afford that nanny? HUGE logic flaw.
2 hours (TV)
3 out of 5 cerepy clowns, all of which go to Lillard

Killjoy
6 points
ATB for Killer clown
Do I really want to sit through three of these on this dvd set? What is it with ice cream truck clowns and dolls in creepy clown movies?
1:12
1 out of 5 creepy clowns

Killjoy 2: Deliverance from Evil
6 points
ATB for killer clown
Ugh. still another one after this. With characters named Ray-Ray and Ce-Ce, what can you really expect?
1:17
1 out of 5 creepy clowns

Killjoy 3
6 points
ATB for killer clown
I can’t believe I bought this fucking triple play dvd.
1:16
2 out of 5 creepy clowns

Walking Dead
1 point
No bonuses
A much tamer episode this week. The best part is watching Carol being kind of a jackass making fun of the Kingdom, then getting called on her shit.
1:00
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

Paranormal Lockdown Halloween Special
2 points
No bonuses
This Halloween special they sort of amped up the drama, and I would prefer they not do that. I feel Nick and Katrina are genuine, but they need to be careful about overdoing it when filming. Good episode though. I did an interview with the two when they were filming at Waverly Hills, and this is just a small part of it.Most will be saved for the second season preview”

‘Paranormal Lockdown: Black Monk House’ Halloween Special: Interview With Nick Groff And Katrina Weidman On Scariest Episode Yet


2:00
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

Kindred Spirits
1 point
No bonuses
This isn’t the non stop action of many paranromal shows, but that’s what makes it so credible. I did a 3-part interview with these two here:

‘Kindred Spirits’: Exclusive Interview With Former ‘Ghost Hunters’ Amy Bruni And Adam Berry On Their New Paranormal Series [Part 1]

‘Kindred Spirits’: Exclusive Interview With Adam Berry And Amy Bruni [Part 2]

‘Kindred Spirits’: Amy Bruni And Adam Berry On The One Paranormal Investigation They Never Want To Do


1:00
4.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Halloween Favorites: They just have to be done, points be damned

Halloween
6 points
ATB for kid in clown costume kills
I dig Rob Zombie’s aesthetic, but there is only one Halloween.
1:31

Trick r’ Treat
2 points
no bonuses
This is now my favorite Halloween theme movie, sorry John Carpenter. Absp;ute perfection, weaving together different stories and Halloween lore.
1:22
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Suspiria
2 points
No bonuses
My favorite Argento film of all time. Deliciously beautiful AND gory. And scary as hell.
1:32
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Hellraiser
2 points
no bonuses
I love, love, LOVE Clive Barker, and even though the acting is terrible here by the lead and the budget is low, meaning some cheesy effects, Pinhead was a whole new beast in the horror villain worked, and he stands up well to the test of time. But an even  more chilling one is Clare Higgins as Julia, working that high gothic femme fatale thing.
1:34
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Nightmare on Elm Street
2 points
No bonuses
This is a must every Halloween. Sure, some of the acting is pretty bad, but this still stands as probably the movie that scared me the most the first time I saw it. I was afriad to go to sleep. Well done Wes Craven.
1:31
4.5 out of 5 creepy clowns for bad acting

Return of the Living Dead
2 points
No bonuses
Best. Zombie.Movie. Ever.
1:31
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

87 points if I counted correctly, finishing this while half asleep. Alas, I doubt his is enough to take second place, but it’s good to get some new blood in the top two, right?

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THE MADNESS: CIRCUS Week 3!

THE MADNESS: CIRCUS Week 3!

Another creepy clowns photo by me.

Yes, I sucked this week. Life has been getting in the way of just sitting around all day watching movies, but I promise I will go out Halloween week with a bang. (So keep plugging away team for the team championship) I got some favorites in this week, but stillholding off for some of the biggies till next week and Halloween.

Special Bonuses

Nada

Movies

Rob Zombie’s 31
6 points
ATB for homicidal clowns
Rob Zombie always divides people into two extreme camps. I love his style even when I see flaws in his films, but I thought this was a step forward for him from a critical perspective. I don’t really get the 31 thing, other than Rob being obsessed with Halloween.
1:45
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

Walking Dead (S6E12, S6E13, S7E1)
3 points
No bonuses
I watched the last two episodes of Season 6 leading into the Season 7 premiere last night (almsot forgot to count those two old ones.) No clowns or carnivals, but that was some fucked up shit. I’d still do Negan though. Sue me.
3:00
4.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Near Dark
2 points
No bonuses
One of my favorite vamp flicks of all time. Love the dark moodiness of it and the sicck humor of that bar scene. Bigelow is so much better at directing than her ex-husband.
1:45
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Lost Boys
3 points
1 for boardwalk
I have never stopped obsessing over Jami Gertz’s gypsy skirt. The two Coreys. Jason Patric. Kiefer Sutherland. And I adore Dianne Wiest. Pure awesome.
1:45
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

30 Days of NIght
2 points
No bonuses
Yeah, I’m on a vampire kick here. This is what vampires should be – scary and ugly as fuck. Even Ethan Hawke is bearable in this,and Ben Foster… oh, how wonderful he is in his small role, as usual.
1:45
4.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Halloween Wars
1 points
Bonus for Sid Haig as guest judge
I was just watching this for fun when I saw Sid was judging. Pretty sure this is his first time on the show? Anyway, those Sugar Psychos seem unstoppable for the final crown.
1:00
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

976-EVIL
2 points
No bonuses
One of my favorite horror films directed by Freddy Krueger and oh-so-80s. Dig that show phone in the beginning sequence. Plus remembering when 900 numbers first came out and were the big thing. Campy and creepy.
1:00
4 out of 5 creepy clowns

American Werewolf in London
2 points
No bonuses
Still also feeling that full moon and into werewolves. How can anyone not love this classic, plus I hold a specil place in my heart for “Nurse Price.” I guess I shoudl consider myself warned to never take stray paitents home with me, LOL.
1:00
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Howling
2 points
No bonuses
I know many would argue AWINL as the best wereowlf movie, but The Howling is my personal favorite. Love the sly humor and the creepy irony of those samn smiley face sticker. Kills me every time.
1:00
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

Full Eclipse
2 points
No bonus points
I know, I know.. Mario van Peebles doesn’t exactly scream “quality cinema,” especially for a werewolf movie, but I think this is a nice little sleeper with a great twist on the werewolf legend.
2:00
3.5 out of 5 creepey clowns

The Serpent and the Rainbow
2 points
No bonuses
Now I’m on a voodoo kick. EXCELLENT movie on a very real practive, although the supernatural side embellished. One of my favortie horror movies of all time and soem seriously creepy shit.
2:00
5 out of 5 creepy clowns

The Believers
2 points
No bonusesMore voodoo, with Martin Sheen and his son coming under attack after his wife is killed in a freak accident. Jimmy Smits has a small role and suffers an especially bad voodoo curse. And let’s not even go into what happens to Sheens new girlfriend. Ick.
2:00
4.5 out of 5 creepy clowns

American Horror Story: Roanoke
1 point
Sarah Paulson, but it’s already in genreNot sure how I feel about this season compared to previous ones. Kathhy Bates is outstanding as always, but the problem with the format is we know the main characters survive, so it takes a lot of suspense out of it. Her name escapes me at the moment, but the actress from 6 Feet Under was stellar this episode, with her backwater, hillbilly human beef jerky. She has a sort of quirky, dtizy quality like Dianne Wiest, but much darker.
1:00
3.5 creepy clowns

Total points: 30

 

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Dracula retold, and refreshingly sparkle-free

Dracula retold, and refreshingly sparkle-free

I’m really wish people would stop ruining vampires for me. You know what movies I’m talking about, without me even uttering the dreaded “T” word. And some of the lame, wimpy, effeminate vampires that have paraded around screen and in books in recent years. So I admit, I almost didn’t even bother to watch Dracula Untold. I figured it would be yet another disappointment.

Fortunately, I figured wrong, at least to a certain extent.

I could nitpick some flaws in this movie, but I’m going to give it a pass on a few things. Maybe my standards have dropped a little too low with some of the poor vampire movies out there, but I actually thought this was pretty damn good.

Dracula Untold tells the story of the origin of the great vampire legend, with an ancient vampire who has been cursed and dwells in a cave. And much like a Marvel superhero, he and his protégé he passes his curse along to can command bats. And let me tell you, they can make these bats do some bitchin’ things, as Ve Neill would say.

They can create storms and huge whirlwinds like tornadoes that the newly crowned Dracula uses as a cover to plow through entire armies by himself, trying to save his kingdom from being taken in a bloody war.

You see, this spin on the Dracula legend has him willingly taking the blood of the cursed vampire in the cave to take on superpowers, which will all go away and he’ll return to human if he can resist feeding for 72 hours. As you can imagine, this can sort of complicate date night with the wife, among other things.

All kidding aside, this movie has beautiful cinematography, fairly nice special effects — and yes, of course they use CGI for the bats (boo, hiss) — but overall this is a very solid entry into the annals of vampire movies.

It’s sort of like 300 with vampires and without the abs. Check out the trailer…

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The Madness Final Descent Into Darkness! Week 4

The Madness Final Descent Into Darkness! Week 4

So, I started this last week of The Madness as the “dark horse” so to speak, no pun intended, in third place with 515 points + 20 early bird = 535. Ravyn was in second with 546 + 40 early bird + 25 handicap = 611, and Newt in first with 579 +40 early bird = 619. So that was 76 points to make up for 2nd place and 84 points to make up for 1st. Seems impossible, doesn’t it? Don’t be too sure…

TV

Walking Dead – 60 minutes (no bonus) 1 point: Is he or isn’t he dead? I say no, since he wasn’t on Talking Dead and it’s ambiguous. But it’s cheap. Not cool, Kirkman, not cool. 2 stars

Talking Dead – 60 minutes (no bonus) 1 point: Whatever. Still pissed about them toying with us including Gimple’s “statement” but how much it hurts them too. There is a limit to how much you can manipulate something without pissing fans off. You found and surpassed it, because there is no way Glenn could have survived. After they ate through Nicholas they would have gone through him too. 2 stars

Face Off Season Finale Part 2- 60 minutes (no bonus) 1 point: I totally knew Nora would win. Her shit was together before and on set, so much more than everyone. 3.5 stars

Inkmaster Halloween Tattoo special – 60 minutes (no bonus) 1 point: God, dealing with watching St Marq again should be worth extra points. What a douche. The guy with the mohawk never had a chance, it was Clean (?) all the way. The Cheech and Chong costumes were funny but Dave Navarro should have worked a little harder. 3 stars

American Horror Story: Hotel “Mommy”  – 69 minutes making it technically a feature. I totally missed that the rest of the Madness (vampires) 3 points: Love the idea of bringing in the Richard Ramirez thing in homage to the real hotel that inspired this, but that’s about the only thing good I can say. And the makeup job on Lily Rabe was so good I didn’t recognize her at first. Oh how you torment me Ryan Murphy with your flashes of brilliance, then your misguided need to go campy  and overkill everything. STOP that please, except when it is appropriate, like that one dance number in Asylum. 2 stars

Supernatural “The Bad Seed” – 60 minutes (nemesis is The Darkness) 2 points: I love Rowena… “It’s the MEGA  coven!” They just aren’t feeling it, sister. 3 stars

Supernatural  “Baby” –  60 minutes  (nemesis is The Darkness., werewolf/vampire hybrid) 3 points: Kind of dialogue heavy this episode. At first I was afraid they were going to “kill” off Baby in this episode, which would have pissed me off royally. Dean’s car is as much a character as anyone in this series. I’m referring to my big laptop as Baby now. 3 stars

It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown – 30 minutes 0.5 points: Caught this flipping through the channels. A classic. 5 stars

Halloween Wars finale with Elvira – 60 minutes (Elvira bonus) 2 points: Oh man, that zombie party could have won if they had laid it out better without so much dead space, no pun intended. One of the masquerading zombies was sort of hidden behind another. They should have had the table going straight back and two zombie masqueraders on each side. So close… 3.5 stars

Ash vs. Evil Dead premiere  6 points: Now Bruce Campbell knows how to do campy, and this is awesome! Love his realness (and his humor about it) and not some buffed guy, and his two average sidekicks. Thank goodness I have Starz. 4.5 stars

Ghost Adventures “Deadwood” – 120 minutes feature (ATB willingly going into basement counts right? night vision) – 6 points: I got suckered into this 2 hour Halloween special from Deadwood. Sometimes Zak is such a douche, but sometimes I’m not entirely sure. Or at least he has moments when he isn’t a douche. I actually thought it was a fairly good episode, but would have been improved if they brought in Tim Olyphant to reprise his role as Seth Bullock. Anything is better with Oly. I intend to binge Justified once The Madness is over. 4 stars

Ghost Adventures “Island of the Dolls” – 60 minutes (Night vision) 2 points I was trying to find episodes that went into caves or basements for more bonuses but watching Zak whimper like a little girl over creepy dolls was worth it. What an idiot. Rating based on entertainment value rather than quality of investigation. 4 stars

Ghost Adventures “Bell Witch Cave” – 60 minutes (night vision, cave) 3 points – This was pretty creepy actually, at the beginning talking about the old legend, but descended into melodrama. I do not trust some of their so-called technology. 3 stars

31.5 points

Dark Father, Moses Rising challenge

Last week I watched the prequels (VOMIT) and the original IV, plus the special edition of IV, V and VI, the holiday special and Attack the Block.

Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back original (ATB Star Wars) 6 points: There’s a little difference in the special effects between the original and the special editions, but not much. All of the original trilogy are awesome. 5 stars

Star Wars The Return of the Jedi original (ATB Star Wars) 6 points: I really already talked about this last week. 4.5 stars

Uncut Fan film 1 (ATB Star Wars) 6 points: A New Hope… hands down the best sequence were the ones not trying to impress George Lucas and trying to be all professional and shit. 3 stars

Uncut fan film 2 (ATB Star Wars) 6 points: Empire Strikes Back  I actually made notes about some of the segments somewhere, but can’t find them. I am so sick of Star Wars, I MAY be ready for the new one this Xmas. Maybe. 3 stars

And at the last minute, literally, did my sing along theme right before sunrise, as I almost forgot about it. It’s posted on the Facebook page where it will eventually fade into oblivion, rather than posted here for eternity. Fortunately, my favorite part of the theme is that melancholy “call to the hero’s adventure” thing where Luke is being all emo, because it’s very short. What’s really scary is the video posted was about my fifth try and the best of the lot. Note to self: don’t try to sing the quiet parts quietly unless you can actually sing. -5 stars, 10 points

34 points, plus whatever bonus points we get for doing the whole thingy…

Movies

LOTR trilogy: Quite frankly, I’m surprised these films didn’t come up more on peoples’ lists because the major points for these came up in a discussion before the Madness started. I had been meaning to watch them but simply didn’t get around to it until week 4. I was going to watch them before starting the Star Wars challenge when I realized most seemed to have forgotten them and it was good game to wait till the last week and not remind everyone.

The Lord of the Rings – 177 minutes (ATB Dark Lord Saruman) 9 points: Amazing opening film of the trilogy. A little slow in places while building characters, but really impeccable. And I was so excited to see Christopher Lee again. 5 stars

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers – 179 minutes (ATB Dark Lord Saruman) 9 points: In some ways I love the second installment of trilogies best because of that whole “dark night of the soul” thing and that certainly applies here, with epic fucking battle scenes to boot. 5 stars

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King 201 freakin’ minutes (ATB Dark Lord Saruman)  10.5 points: I have to say this was my least favorite film of the trilogy and I always hate the sappy celebration ceremonial scenes in theses epic adventures. Too Hollywood. 4.5 stars

John Carpenter’s Vampires – 108 minutes (ATB: death by sunlight) 6 points: This reminded me very much of From Dusk till Dawn 2 for the camp factor, but James Woods trumps the Terminator guy for the win.  And it’s John Carpenter, yo. 3.5 stars

night breed

Night Breed  director’s cut- 120 minutes (ATB death by sunlight) 6 points: Clive Barker always embraces the outsiders on the fringe and this dark underworld he created in Midian is populated with all kinds of fantastic creatures, and David Cronenberg puts in a chilling performance. 4.5 stars

The Beyond – 87 minutes (ATB hellmouth) 6 points: If you ever inherit and old hotel in Louisiana — or anywhere — make sure it isn’t built on the gateway to hell, ‘kay? Very gory, and is it me or does Fulci really like to mutilate eyes? 3.5 stars

Frankensteins Castle of Freaks with Elvira – 102 minutes (ATB for finale in cave and Elvira clause) 9 points: If Elvira is hosting it, you know it isn’t exactly Oscar worthy. 2 stars

Dog Soldiers – 105 minutes (werewolves) 3 points: This little sleeper is a great werewolf movie, which is so hard to do, especially low budget. They wisely kept the bodies human and put really scary wolf heads on them, giving them a new look but also simplifying the special effects. Very well done. 4 stars

Silver Bullet – 95 minutes (werewolf) 3 points: Stephen King. Gary Busey. Corey Haim. What can possibly go wrong? At least with Busey and Corey before they went to shit. 5 stars

Wolfman – 103 minutes (werewolves)  3 points: Lots of hardcore horror fans complained about this “remake” which really isn’t a remake but a film in its own right. I personally really love this film, although Anthony Hopkins is a little over the top. Benecio is perfect though. 4.5 stars

Full Eclipse – 93 minutes (werewolf, eclipse) 4 points: Pretty good TV movie with Patsy Kensit, Mario Van Peebles and Bruce Payne who plays the leader of a pack of vigilante cops turned werewolf-like humans. They inject themselves with a serum so they don’t have to wait for the full moon but little do they know its brain fluid from their leader, who is the real thing during the eclipse. “This is your brain, this is you on my brain.” Yeah.  4 stars

3 Tunnels 2 Hell – 85 minutes (ATB finale in underground tunnel system) 6 points: An island they have to turn into a horse camp so the owner can keep the property, but there are underground tunnels with a maniac. you want to hurry up and die. Loathsome characters you wish would hurry up and die already. Bad acting, bad script, bad directing… they actually showed a horse taking a dump for a joke. 0 stars

Beth(Alex Reid), Holly (Nora Jane Noon) and Sarah (Shauna Macdonald)

The Descent – 99 minutes (ATB finale in cave) 6 points: Very scary cave film, even if you aren’t claustrophobic or afraid of the dark. 4 stars

The Descent 2 – 93 minutes (ATB finale in cave) 6 points: Wait, this chick is really going back in the mine, even though she claims she remembers nothing? And they are taking an elevator down rather than going to the entrance used by the women? That ending was so cruel. 3.5 stars

The Cave – 97 minutes (ATB finale in cave) 6 points: In the description they mention these guys from Pitch Black, Coyote Ugly and The Brothers and no mention of Cersei? C’mon. The Descent meets Alien. 3.5 stars

Interview with a Vampire – 123 minutes (ATB death by sunlight) 6 points: I loathe Tom Cruise and even though this wasn’t as bad as expected, I still wish they had cast someone else. Brad Pitt is perfect as Louis, and it’s a pretty good film. But did I mention I HATE Tom Cruise? 3.5 stars

Fright Night 2 2013 – 100 minutes (ATB death by sunlight) 6 points: Pfft. I didn’t even like the original sequel so much so the remake of a sequel… nah. 2 stars

evil dead ash

Evil Dead – 85 minutes (Bruce Campbell but no bonus) 2 points: One of those low point movies but how can you not watch, especially when they play these right before the Ash vs Evil Dead premiere. I may be in the minority, but this is my favorite. 5 stars

Evil Dead 2 – 84 minutes 2 points: Sam and Bruce cranked up the intentional humor in this one, and it’s a lot of fun, but I still like the first better. But hey, it’s GROOVY. . 4 stars

Army of Darkness – 81 minutes (dropped in pit, darkness in title) 4 points I missed the viewing party but caught this on Starz before the Ash vs Evil Dead premiere. This seems to be everyone’s favorite, but I would rate this last of the trilogy. I’m in the minority.4.5 stars

Graveyard Shift – 80 minutes (ATB, willingly goes into basement) 6 points: If you are cruel to animals — even rats — you’ll get what you deserve in this movie inspired by a Stephen King tale. Some poor drifter gets like, the worst job in the world andgets trapped with a monster and the co-workers from hell  3 stars

Jeepers Creepers – 90 minutes (ATB finale underground) 6 points: Eh, okay movie. Honestly, I watched it because I saw the Hauntress label it as ATB somewhere, for finale. The sniffing thing is pretty creepy and that noise it makes when it finds something it likes. 2.5 stars

Blair Witch Project – 81 minutes (ATB willingly go into basement) 6 points: This is a great slow burn film that gets under your skin, and I can forgive it for the onslaught of bad found footage movies since. Still very unnerving, and it was a long time before I could go hiking by myself after this one. 5 stars

House of 1000 Corpses  –  89 minutes (ATB finale in underground tunnels) 6 points: This used to be my go to movie when I wanted something fun and mindless to watch, but hadn’t seen it in quite some time. Love Chris Hardwick and Walt Goggins’ small role. I love a lot of things about this movie, but Zombie tried to throw in too many things in the second half. Is it homage or rip off? I say homage, and fall on the love it side of this one, which seems to be love it or hate it. 4 stars

976-Evil – 92 minutes (ATB Englund character is “Master of the Dark”) 6 points:  I LOVE this movie, and its one of my go to movies now for the nostalgia and old school horror. I love how Robert Englund scattered so many devil references throughout as director and the voice on the phone. Heavy handed but fun. Sandy Dennis was brilliant as the holier than thou mother, and of course “Evil” was perfect for this one. 5 stars

Halloween – 91 minutes (no bonuses) 2 points: I hated doing a 2 point movie, but I had to do Halloween on Halloween. If I can’t win with this one, I don’t want to win. And none of that Rob Zombie shit. 5 stars

Suspiria – 92 minutes (witches attack at night, blind character) 4 points: My favorite Argento film of all time. Deliciously beautiful AND gory. And scary as hell. 5 points

My Bloody Valentine 2009 – 101 minutes (ATB finale in mine) 6 points: I saw this film posted on the Madness page and totally forgot about the mine factor.  Normally I would prefer the original, but hello Dean Winchester! definitely tongue in cheek remake but without going overboard on humor. 3.5 stars

154.5 points

Special Bonuses

mammoth cave

Seasonal walk throughs – 3 total: Quarantine, Hospital and Haunted House/Carnival themes at Wicked World Scaregrounds 6 points 3 stars, 3 stars and 4 stars 

C’mon, y’all didn’t really think I’d pass up that Mammoth Cave bonus when its like, 2 hours from me, right? Plus it was my only way to have a shot at winning because I knew I could never catch up with Ravyn and Newt on watching points alone, especially once the secret bonuses were gone. So it comes down to special bonuses — if they have some, I’m screwed most likely, and if they don’t, I can take this. I really had told myself after last week winning one week was good enough and was thinking of blowing it off, but Emily convinced me to go, so if this gives me the win, it’s a collaborative effort in that sense.

Having said that, it was well worth it, The Madness aside, and I’m happy to say I had no claustrophobia freakouts, even on the tour that was lantern light only. So, yes, I did TWO tours. I wanted to go for three, but two of the tours I felt I could handle weren’t offered that day because of work being done on one and the other only being offered weekends, or I would have broken the overall points record. I guess it just wasn’t mean to be. But anyway…200 effin’ points + 2 for mileage (mileage is only one way? If not, then 4 points for 2 hours each way)

208 Points

31.5 (TV) + 34 (Dark Father/Star Wars)  + 154.5 (movies) + 208 (Special bonuses) = 428 + 515 (previous total) + 20 (early bird) = 963 + special bonus for doing ALL Star Wars (including video)

Read it and weep, or if you other two did any special bonuses, read it and laugh at my feeble attempt to take it all. Time will tell.

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